He never got into therapy or did any soul seeking (that's what he said he needed to do).
Originally Posted by LillyL
It was extremely difficult to get him too MC. I'm not sure if he's even try IC, but I wish he would.
OK, I guess I was pointing out that your H said he needed help, but his actions did not match his words. So he knows he has issues but has chosen not to take steps to address them. That must be incredibly frustrating.
Humans do this all the time... we tell ourselves little lies. I'm sure your H thinks he is aware of his issues, and thus he is making progress on them. So he can walk around guilt-free because he said he needed therapy, but never actually goes.
You are right that you cannot control whether or not he goes to IC. And the best approach would be to treat the "playing family" stuff separately from his issues (to remove the control/pressure issue). But you could point out that he himself mentioned going (in some way). Actions following words are the only way to build trust, IMO.
I don't know the right approach, Lilly. I know from your perspective it feels like he was just paying lip-service to the idea but was not really serious. I think a lot of times people really do think "Yes, I'll go to therapy, at some point" and then just never do it. And you are left sitting thinking "he must not really want to work through it". I have no clue if I am right about your H's intentions. I've spent many years aware of my issues, dipping my toe in the water to work on them. Finally now with proper motivation I am diving into the deep end.
It is true that therapy never works if the person is resistant (and the therapist cannot break down that resistance). This is why MC fails a lot of the time, because one partner feels dragged to it.
