We veered into a custody discussion here but it's really really useful, thanks everyone!
Right now we are essentially doing a 4-10 schedule (Friday pm to Tuesday am with me, every other weekend). I will be doing some activity shuttling as school and activities ramp up. My older two will be in school, and the youngest in a 2-day-per-week preschool.
My W is ramping back to work, but by the nature of what she does, this will take time, and she will start at 2 days per week. The other days she will be with D3 during the day. She can't do full-time because she would not be able to fill her schedule that quickly. I am happy she is getting back to work both for her (she gets great satisfaction out of this part of her life, and the adjustment of moving 2 years ago took that way) and for me (it will balance her out hopefully, plus she establishes income and contributes at a time we really need more cash flow). I'm taking a low-pressure approach right now - if we end up filing for D that may change.
It just didn't make much sense for us this year if we did a 7-7 for instance, because we would be swapping D3 back and forth a lot in the mornings and nights. D3 was in a day-care last year and did not adjust well, and relied on D5 to help her. D3 is having a hard time adjusting right now to all these changes. So a combination of what is best for D3, and my W's ability to ramp up work, has really driven my willingness to do less than 50/50. I'd like to take a "let's see how this goes" approach and then be open to modifying the schedule -- no idea how my W views things.
If we end up starting the D process I will want 50/50 (in my state it will probably take 12-18 months to finalize, by which time we can sort out a good 50/50 plan and my youngest would be about to enter kindergarten). Of course I don't know how my W would react. The L I spoke to awhile ago did not seem concerned. I do worry though...
The 50/50 plans I like best are 7-7 or 2-2-5-5. The 2-2-5-5 gives each person the same 2 weeknights each week, but other than that it's pretty much the same as 2-2-3. Seems like everyone who responded here is at 7-7 or 2-2-3.
7-7 works best for my work schedule because I have week-long business trips a few times per year. 2-2-5-5 has its advantages though (less time between seeing the kids, plus might work better as my W ramps up working).
If you've read this far, you can tell by my long-windedness that I worry about the details a bit too much. Maybe I should have just said 50/50 and left it there. Separation is another limbo... trying to make everything work for everyone, not yet on the D path... ugh
