Is it over? pt.2

[SoTorn]

JB. You won't be able to earn her forgiveness. She BD'd you. You are spinning badly. You are heavily into the mindset that there is something that you can do to influence her. You can't do that. You cannot make her forgive you. You cannot make her stop holding onto your past mistakes.

You cannot change the past. Sure, regret it, but do not dwell on it, even if shee is. Like Steve said, you are very negative. You need to change these. If you recognize you have issues in an area, do what Steve said.

But you say these things to yourself. Write them down. "I will communicate better"

You said that you have a hard time communicating. Right now, focus on validating. Validating is a huge way of showing communication.

Do not approach her and talk about the R. However, if she approaches you and says something, you need to respond showing that you understand what she is saying and that you respect her feelings.

W: "You never communicate, it makes me so angry!"
You: "I understand how not communicating made you feel angry".

Its a simple statement, you are not admitting guilt, you are not saying sorry, you are showing that you understand what she said and that you recognize her feelings.

Regarding the past, it was a mistake yes. Was it comparable to an A? Not in most peoples opinions, but your W sure didn't like it. Again, you cannot change the past, but you can sure not repeat the same behaviors. If she brings that up again you validate, just like the above.

If you have said sorry once, that is the only time you need to say it. Do not apologize for something over and over as it makes you look weak.

The only time you don't validate is when she is putting you down, yelling at you or belittling you. If she does that you just don't say anything back.

Did you read the DR book? You seem like you are spinning badly still. You are trying to figure out what is going on and trying to formulate a plan on how to fix it. Stop that.

You will not figure it out and you will not fix it. So pull back, focus on yourself, better yourself and give her space. When you talk, validate, understand, be present when she is talking. If the conversation goes sideways, walk away. If she starts mistreating you, tell her that you will not continue the conversation as its not being productive and walk away. Or just walk away.