Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[curtis7]

Quick update, W continued to be very chatty over text on Tuesday. Topics were about the friend and her H’s death, kids upcoming school activities, her happiness regarding news that one of our friends from college just got engaged to an old GF from 15 years ago. On the latter, she texted “They are both still young and have lot of life left.”

She went on texting to ask what has happened with divorced BFF’s XH and his behavior since he already got remarried and now only wants his kids every other weekend. She texted “I can understand the marriage not working and being completely infatuated with this woman...but when he just essentially gave up his children?!“ She went on to text about a co-workers friend that started acting completely different and it turns out he had a brain tumor that was affecting his reasoning and judgment.

The two texts noted above got me thinking if she is trying to imply something about us. If so, makes me think we are at a turning point where she is having doubts about the S or is again justifying to herself that D is in her best interest. It could be that she is trying to assess how difficult her path home might be. I know mindreading and probably trying to look for something that has nothing to do with me.

W continued to text me for over an hour on Tuesday night after the kids went to bed. She kept saying she wants to help. Help by mowing the horse pastures, staining a cabinet light rail that I want to install under our wet bar cabinets, and assisting with dropping off the kids at camp in the morning when they are staying with me the night before. She texted “I want to help”, “Please let me help”, and “I’m always available to help”.

Text convo wrapped up with W saying she had a minor breakdown at work after hearing about the organ donation being completed on her friend’s deceased H. But then she was able to finally talk on the phone with her friend about the accident and everything which calmed her down.

On Wednesday...crickets. W was radio silent all day. We had planned to tell our kids in the evening about the friend’s death. W texted after work saying she’s being a coward and wants to put off telling them. I replied that’s fine and that I want to take the lead on telling them and we will do that together when she’s ready.

So, I don’t know where she’s at right now. 3 days of positive, regular interaction and 1 day back to dim, minimal contact. Was I just short-term emotional support or is she really struggling with her feelings and desires versus what she knows is morally right and decent?

I fear her coming out of the tunnel, then getting scared and running back in if she senses any pressure, i.e. the Squirrel Analogy, no sudden movements that might scare her off. Or do I try to gently guide her along and lead her to the safe Lighthouse?