Hey Jim, I used to tell my brother after BD that my worst nightmare was that I would get in a serious new R and THEN my XW would want to recon, because in that scenario someone is getting hurt no matter what and the last thing I want to do is hurt someone the way my XW hurt me, even if it's my XW. I wouldn't wish that on her. So you're living out my worst nightmare! I think you handled the convo with XW quite well. Beyond that I would just say keep your guard up with her because it doesn't sound like she has shown you ANYTHING to indicate she's serious. All she did was say she changed her mind. Words are cheap. What work has she done on herself other than getting on some new meds? What has she done to try and earn your trust back? It doesn't sound like she's done anything so far. And like you said, she doesn't even seem to be aware that she needs to own some issues. Not good signs at all. I understand the lure to recon, there are always going to be feelings there. But I would be very hesitant to throw away your newer BETTER relationship to recon with someone who is more than likely still a train wreck.
