Mindy, here is the thing. He feels like he can do this and that since you love him you will be there waiting. Think of it as a child that has no consequences for bad behavior, there is no incentive to improve their behavior.
First, what you did right. Not laying all of your cards on the table. We've seen it and most of have been through it, that if you let him know how you know, he will go more covert. Many WAS/cheating spouses have resorted to burner phones to keep their EAs or PAs going.
What you haven't done well is constantly talking to him about this. It is time to back way off. Give him time and space. Go out and GAL yourself. Detach! Do not let his crazy affect your emotions (this is difficult to do but over time you can master it). And it sounds like your 180s are all related to this EA. Stop monitoring his calls and texts. Find other things to occupy your time. Read lots of books (this helped me immensely). Reconnect with old friends (FEMALE ONLY!) and stay active and busy. Start working out! Nothing helps the mind more than keeping the body active. So run, bike, jog, go to the gym, whatever you have to do.
FInaly Mindy, brace yourself. These things have a tendency to get worse before they get better. Also, I know very few men that stick with an EA for this long if it doesn't eventually go physical by now. So be prepared for the fact that it probably has already been a PA.
Keep posting, hang in there. Come here and post before doing or saying things so we can help you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
