Went to MC today with WAW; we typically meet a half-hour beforehand at a nearby coffee shop to say hello, catch up a little and walk over together. We don't explicitly plan it - we both are OCD about being on time, the NYC subways can't be trusted, and she'll typically text "I'm a place X if you're nearby" and we meet up. I don't assign any larger meaning to this, but it's nice.
All in all, a good session. I'd characterize the sessions as treading water - we're working on issues from the MR in a somewhat indirect way: being emotionally open with each other, that sort of thing. Today we talked about how we're communicating and working through outstanding issues relative to the S, for which she was grateful that we're able to treat each other with love and respect and deal with tough decisions amicably and as a team. We're both children of ugly divorces and I'm very thankful for this as well. As you may have gathered from my previous posts, while I am happy we still have a strong rapport, I need to be careful not to confuse this or conflate it with something more.
We also talked about how we're emotionally dealing with the S; she said that she's sad and covering it up by overworking herself. This does not surprise me in the least, as that's how she's basically been for the past six months leading up to the BD. Lots of volunteering, lots of activities, running away from the fact that things weren't working. At least she recognizes it, I guess. I said exactly what I've said in here: this isn't what I want, but I'm using the time to work on myself, take a hard look at the way I acted, read, reconnect with friends, and generally work on being the best version of myself I can be. We both go to IC religiously, so I know she is working on things too - and I do think in time she'll allow herself to really feel what she's feeling.
Near the end I mentioned that I wanted to talk about dating during the S. I'm paraphrasing, but I said that while I recognize that it is impossible to set a boundary around things like timing, there are aspects of this that for me are non-negotiable. I trust that WAW has not had an affair, and I trust that she did not BD and instantiate this to chase after someone. But given the power dynamic that is inherent when one person leaves (and when the other implicitly wants to reconcile, even if it goes unsaid), it can lead to a situation where the one leaving the relationship explores things knowing that the LBS will always be a Plan B. I refuse to be in that situation, and said as such.
So, where it all nets out..good, I guess. Work in progress as always, but I'm learning to be more emotionally articulate, to feel comfortable stating my needs, and making clear that I'm using this time not to just sit around moping but to address my issues such that my next relationship will be better, with WAW or not.
