Shocked and Lost. Don't know what to do

[Mindymin]

This is my first post. I'm lost and don't know what to do.

Here's the details in short form .

History/background:

My husband has been talking/sexting another woman for 2yrs. He's 49yo. Neither of us has been married before. Met in 1995, introduced by a mutual friend, married May of 1997. We were both engaged prior. He caught his fiance cheating on him. My fiance just wasn't in love with me anymore and his parents & grandparents pulled him away too.

About him:

Super nice, kind guy but does have a temper and can be obstinate. Will help anyone he can. High school and vocational school grad. Holds a steady job and doesn't job hop. Never been fired or written up. Has worked 3 different places since we've been together with most recent job change almost 2 mos ago. Has held supervisory position. His parents have been married for over 50 years. He's never done drugs. Quit chewing tobacco 2yrs ago. Has started drinking more lately. Drinks nearly daily. Sometimes it's just a shot or two of whiskey, sometimes he gets intoxicated. His drinking does bother me and he has cut back the past 9 days.

About me:

Love to help people. High emotional intelligence. Enjoy teaching others/mentoring. Two college degrees. My parents have been married over 50years. It's not been the best marriage due to my father's alcoholism and my mother is extremely critical and controlling. I've never smoked, did drugs and I rarely drink and never to the point of intoxication.

Us:

We had a great marriage. Always affectionate with each other. Had our ups and downs but no big struggles. Do lots of things together and work very well as a team.

What happened:

Two years ago in May, we were going fishing with a couple of friends. His phone slipped off the seat as he was driving and I caught it before it hit the floor. What was on the screen SHOCKED me to the core. He was sexting another female. I was mad and hurt. I didn't know what to say. I cried and barely spoke to him. He said 'it was just texts, wasn't doing anything wrong, nothing physical occurred'and he would quit. I believed him. Prior to this for several months, his affection and desire to have sex dropped off dramatically. I questioned him and he didn't know why and I didn't either. I had no idea he was sexting then but he was.

Things improved but he still at times wasn't as sexual as before. Jump forward to fall of 2018. I started checking the phone bill and he was calling and texting another number a LOT. A friend helped me out and I very quickly found out it was the same woman as before, especially after he accidentally sent a text to me instead of her. I was very angry and hurt again. I truly had believed ended it until he started acting the same way as before which caused me to check the phone bill. I didn't let him know I knew. I was trying to make some sense of it all and working through my feelings. A few days later, he called me and said he was coming home from work early and needed to talk to me. He came home and came clean. Told me he was still talking to her, didn't know why still, was sorry and would end it. I did most of the talking but still not letting him know that I knew he was calling her. I watched the phone bill for the next month and it seemed he had quit. Well, he did for a month then started again.

I confronted him saying I knew based on his behavior, which was partially true. He denied it initially and I kept talking. Then he said they were just friends and were just talking. I began to monitor their conversations and found most were fairly platonic minus a few pet names like Babe, Sweetcheeks and some sexually connotative remarks. He said he was coming to visit her twice but instead spent time with me.

Her:

I've met her. Early 50's late 40's, smokes, disabled due to seizures, doesn't drive, unemployed. Lives with a guy who was married to her mother. Her mother was married to his uncle before that. The parents of the guy she lives with cheated on each other their entire marriage.

I didn't know any sexting was going on between this woman and my husband when I met her. I do know they were texting one another because would be out to eat and he would text her and tell me she said hello to me. At the time, I trusted him completely and never would have dreamed he was sexting her. One thing she said to me that sticks in my brain: "Women get upset when I talk to their husbands. " I replied they shouldn't if it's just friendly conversation and they trust each other. Looking back, I feel she was testing the waters so to speak and I think she has done this with other married men before.

I don't know what to do. I have a counseling appointment set up for next week with a local counselor. Any advice or support is appreciated!