I was going to say the same thing as LH about the arguing. If there is one thing you taught me Wolfie. For example. If your daughter started throwing a tantrum. Would you yell back or argue with her? Your W is no different. Just an oversized adult version with higher priorities and needs of her own, whether delusional emotional factual, logical or not. Still her truth.
I'll give you two instances of my sich. After a convo with W last week. I told my w that if I ever stop yelling, and stop arguing. That would be a time to be concerned. She looked at me like what do you mean you're not going to do anything stupid are you? I was like no. The day I stop arguing and fighting is the day Im no longer emotionally vested in this. She says to me. "You must have read my mind. That's what I was thinking the last year or so."
This week I slipped. I was taking S1 shirt off, having a little difficulty getting his arm out of the sleeve, she stepped in to take over control, or so I thought, but according to her just trying to help, and I snapped at her to "mind her business" She knows I don't like controlling behaviors from anyone in attempt to override or disrespect me or my abilities. She's done that before with me in front of company with loading S1 into car seat before because of a twisted seat belt. Tried to vebalkt make me into a fool in front of company. I don't like people grabbing stuff or people for that matter out of my hands whether they are trying to be helpful or not. (I've had crazy past GF's try to grab car steering wheel out of my hands while driving.) I apoligized for snapping, and stated next time she wants to help just ask. I will work on my perception with that.
The point being is choose not to argue. Choose to not emotionally engage when and if provoked. Choose to walk away if the convo goes sideways. State why that is a boundary and you only do it and say it once. From there on forward you just do it. No need to explain. Choose to set boundaries for bad behavior. Choose to remain in control of yourself. Choose Civility, to validate, and not take it personally anymore. She isn't your wife anymore. You are not emotionally, physically, financially, attached to her anymore. Choose to listen impartially without involving your perception or opinion unless asked for it. They will sense it. I think i am at the beginning of finally understanding this and implementing it a little too late, but oh well, its for me. Its for me to become less emotionally reactive as time goes on for me. To be a better person, and less "emotionally abusive." There will be times of intentional disrespect and unintentional disrespect and it's going to be hard to distinguish the difference and not become reactive to it. This is what's in any relationship whether with W or someone else. It's hard not to argue with your own point of view when that's all you know. You have to try and see from the other side and find the solution, rather than dig in your heels to fight for what you think is right.
