Also... I'm concerned about your kids and how this situation is impacting them. It sounded from your post like your H came over and kind of got everyone emotionally stirred up. I know sometimes here we focus on the spouse dynamic but when kids are involved that does change things sometimes.
I am in a physical S with my wife, and I have 3 small kids. My W was telling me the other day that D3 as asking her if she was going to die, and this was really hard for my W to hear. I listened and validated, and then also shared that D3 was having a difficult time at my house. D3 will tell me "Don't leave, I miss you" and start bawling. I did not share my own feelings with my W, but it crushes my heart. Internally I'm very upset because I feel like this was avoidable had we worked on our MR. I'm sharing this to point out that I want my W and I to communicate about how our kids are adjusting, but as far as my W feeling down, it's all going to be listening and validating full stop.
I almost think of what happened for you as emotional cake-eating. The WAS wants to leave, but they keep grabbing at the parts of the MR that they liked. Your H likes your emotional support - well, it's a package deal, if you don't upgrade to the "Fully invested in the MR" package, you don't get the free "emotional support" add-on.
