JB - I will try to spin this advice a little softer and maybe that will help.
You have NGS. There, I said it. You want to both repair things and stand up for yourself and you don't know where to start.
If you were cured of NGS, being able to simultaneously repair things and command respect would come naturally. Unfortunately, this is not going to happen overnight. You feel things slipping away, and every inch things move farther towards slipping away worries you.
This is "fear of abandonment" or "fear of losing the relationship." Those fears will drive unhealthy thoughts, attitudes and behaviors. Of COURSE you may lose the relationship. Your goal should be to become a man who can deal with any outcome of any relationship in your life at any time. That is long-term, so just keep that on the back burner.
Short-term -- I am strongly opinionated on the way to crawl out of this NGS hole (I am still crawling but I see the light approaching):
- Drop the idea of repairing things. It holds you back, it keeps you in "flight or fight" or "fear of abandonment" mode. Think of this as the rope you need to drop (in DB terminology).
- If you can't drop the idea, at least understand that if you don't earn back your respect, things will not be repaired anyways. So you may as well focus on respect.
- Earn back self-respect -- you don't respect yourself right now. Work on that. GAL, PMA, meditate. Get a handle on your emotions. Go to IC. Let that emotional tornado in your head settle down and start to sort through things. This is not easy and will take months if not years. Your posts and actions make it clear to me - you do not respect yourself enough right now.
- Earn back your W's respect - set boundaries, listen/validate. Take your time to make decisions consciously. Don't do everything she says, and also don't not do everything she says. Make decisions that are good for you. Not in a selfish way - be in touch with your values and your emotions and what feels right. This won't come easy because you have NGS and you need to work on being in touch with your values/emotions first. You may feel like you are faking it for awhile.
