I was not able to follow through last night because my gut told me the timing was not right. As soon as I got in the door, I discovered H had been cooking one of my favorite dishes and he was a few glasses of wine in by the time I got home. The vibe was really depressing... The kids were already very sad and I could see that H eyes were glazed over and he was on the verge of tears.
I ate (the meal was amazing) and declined the wine, then proceeded to practice yoga for 30 minutes.
When we put the kids (S-11, D-6) to bed they both cried themselves to sleep and my H was clearly upset. I followed him downstairs and asked how he was doing. He said that he was just watching television. I told him I could see that, but I could tell he was upset and that I would keep him company so he wasn't alone feeling the way he did. I ended up staying up until a little after midnight. He reminisced and reflected on the time with the kids and I just listened and validated him. I told him I needed to get some sleep since I still had to work and he hugged me (very tight and had his head on my shoulder) for a few minutes. I ultimately let go first and he kept saying over and over again how much he appreciated me and all of the things I did for him. I told him that he was welcome and the kids really needed that time with him and that I was glad it worked out.
As far as the boundaries.
I am going to take Steve's advice with the communication and not necessarily lay it out, just implement it.
I am not worried about the joint account anymore, hopefully he has all of his things switched over so it doesn't become overdrawn.
He does have another business trip in a few weeks that will bring him back to my location. Before he arrives I am going to send him a email or letter to let him know that I can't have him stay in the home (playing house, it's really a mind F....). I just need to find the right words. I do appreciate all of the positive feedback and insight from yesterday.
