Midlife wife crisis8

[Wolfman]

My w has stooped to a new low. The other day she said she needed her w2. I figured it was for her to refinance the house. Since I did the taxes I’m the one who had it. So I brought it over the other day. Then she asked me if I was going to finish paying off her dad. Let me explain what happened here. When we bought this house 10 years ago, I wanted to put 20% down in the process I forgot about the closing costs and was going to be short money. So when we sat down and spoke about it, she said to ask her father to borrow the money which was $16k. So I sat down with her father and explained the situation and he said fine. So over the years we have been paying him back little by little. When we decided to separate a year ago we owed him $4k. So to do the right thing I paid her dad $2500 of my own money, a little more than half. Now come the other day she says to me instill owe her dad money. I said no I paid him my half actually a little more than my half I told her. She said but you owe him the rest. I said no the rest is up to you to pay. She said no that since I spoke to her father it is my responsibility now to pay him off. I said why should it just be my responsibility? He gave that money to US to help US pay for OUR home. So goes, yeah but since you asked it’s your responsibility. So I said that it’s not just my responsibility it’s yours too. That WE have been paying him for the last 10 years out of OUR checking account. But she just kept repeating herself and so did I. Then she said you will have to speak to my dad about it. I said sure no problem have him call me. Which then I got roped into a relationship talk. Which I know is a no no here.

In that talk the reason that she is divorcing me is so ridiculous. I know to her these are real problems but for the average married couple they are nothing. She said things like when she went back to work at night I didn’t text her which was only twice a year. That she felt like I didn’t love her or care. That when she would come home from work I wouldn’t greet her hello all the time. That I would just yell downstairs hello. The reason I told her I didn’t run downstairs I was in our office make business calls. It wasn’t like I was watching tv or playing video games I was working. She claims there was times she was crying in bed and I did nothing. I am telling all of you if wouldnhave seen her crying I would have comforted her. That I made a big deal out of the house being a mess. Again I am telling all of you my home would be a disaster for weeks, so yeah i would ask her to clean up HER stuff. That’s all but that made her feel like a maid. My bedroom was covered in clothes, shoes and bags. So what’s wrong with me asking her to please clean up our bedroom? Oh and she said all I cared about was money. Look the reality is we go to work to make money so we can pay the bills and do fun things. She is a spend aholic so yeah someone had to worry about money or else we wouldn’t have enough to pay the bills. During this tirade I validated her feelings and did not argue with her. The last thing is she said she told me that these things bothered her and I did nothing. Ow that we are here I care. And she says it’s too late. Last she said I see the changes but she doesn’t believe they will stay. I know I said it before, it’s so sad to me that she wants to break up a family over things that are very fixable. Anytime I brought all the ways I have helped her she would dismiss it like they were not important. How I took on a second job so we could afford the 5 vacations a year. How I would run to the supermarket after work so she didn’t have to food shop. How I did the landscaping to help us save money so we could enjoy more activities. Again I was a dedicated hard working husband and father. Did I have my faults sure. I have owned up to them and improved myself because of that. No m is perfect and there will be ups and downs, but she is so stuck on the negatives in our m then all the good that came from it and the fun we had.

Why do they get so stuck on the negative? What triggers this person that use to love is with all their heart paint is as a terrible person and only remember the negative? How does a recognize the changes but then continue on this destructive path? And the biggest one, why does it look like this doesn’t phase them in the least and I am the one suffering real bad? Why would they want to be a single parent instead of trying to work things out?

I know I need to let go and some days I feel fine and ready to move on, others my mind goes back to all these questions.