Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[curtis7]

Could it be possible that the fog is lifting??

This is a potentially MAJOR update in my sitch. Vets all said that WW had to hit rock bottom and feel real loss before anything would change. It's possible that just happened over the weekend.

Some background, W for the most part only associates with two other women since BD, divorced BFF and a mutual friend that has a very rocky MR herself. W went out to dinner with divorced BFF on Saturday night and received a call from our mutual friend saying that her husband was riding his motorcycle, got in an accident, and was being airlifted to the hospital.

W was debating whether or not to leave divorced BFF and go to the hospital to support her friend and she chose not to go. In W's defense, details were very sparse as she described it as to the severity of his condition. A few hours later some initial test results came back and it was determined that he was essentially brain dead. W texted me to let me know what had happened. She then called and we spoke for a few minutes about the tragic events and how awful our friend must be feeling.

Sunday morning, W decided she wanted to go to the hospital to be with her friend. However, she wasn't up for seeing visitors. Final test results came back and he was declared dead.

W called me to discuss how we could help out. She sounded distraught and somewhat frantic on the phone. The mutual friend has a S and D about the same age as our kids and W suggested that we watch them this week. She wanted to stay at my house and bring them over because she doesn't have enough space at her place. I thought about this for a minute and said I'm okay with that as long as you can respect my boundaries. She asked which boundaries are those and after a pause I replied not contacting OM by text or call on the property. She immediately responded no problem. She asked what other boundaries. I said that's the primary one I'm concerned about and again she immediately said no problem. Although, she did seem annoyed that I had to state the boundary and she started to say that I don't understand but this wasn't the time to get into it with the stress she's under. I told her well maybe at some point you could help me understand and she said sure.

W came over to feed her horse and I talked with her about the accident. She was extremely broken up about her friend and not being there for her. I could tell that she regrets the decision terribly and she asked me point blank if I though she was a bad friend for not going. I validated then said that she made the best decision she could with the information she had available. We continued to discuss what happened, I mostly listened to her and continued validating.

W took our kids to her place and she sent me a series of texts about her friend's relatives watching the kids so they wouldn't be coming to our place. Near the end of the text exchange I wrote "I'm glad you told me and appreciate you being honest about your feelings. I hope you can get some sleep. Good night." She replied "Good night. Sorry. I am using my typical avoidance behavior but being unconscious is my only reprieve from this overwhelming ugliness I feel inside me." I did not respond.

Expectations are very low, but this tragic death seems to have triggered something in my W that's opened her eyes to see the WW behavior. I'm probably not following DB techniques so well right now, but in light of the recent events and loss of life, there are more important matters at hand. A tragedy like this really makes you contemplate your life, your purpose, your dreams, etc. and shows you that life is short. Do you really want to be pining away to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you when it can all be over in an instant? Or is it worth it to continue fighting for that person when you realize they could be gone overnight and they are what is most important to you?

This takes us up through Sunday night. More to follow tomorrow...