Last night was a tough one, she went to a lingerie party her and her friends got invited to at a gay guy’s birthday. She didn’t come home last night and i really didn’t like what she was wearing.. but apparently i’m not the only one concerned with my wifes behavior and that she’s acting differently, her mother and grandmother are both concerned and noticed all of this. Her mom was talking to me about it and was brought to tears and told me i need to tell her my feelings and that i’m worried because she doesn’t think my wife will listen to her anymore. She hopes we can work things out and was giving me advice on what to say. She said she always worried about her kids (of course she would) but she never had to worry about my wife until now. She lost her husband in december so she probably feels like she’s losing one of her daughters. She also said that my wife has always been a very loving person (always wanting to love on people, so for anyone familiar with the 5 love languages hers would have been physical touch) but she’s noticed that for a while now she hasn’t been loving at all, she doesn’t live with her or see her everyday and she notices all this. My wife has told her that i don’t communicate and talk to her the way i should. One of my mother in laws suggestions was to talk to her and if that doesn’t work stop doing stuff for her so she’ll see what it’s like without me there, she has given up trying to talk to her own daughter because it wasn’t working, but i feel if we both talk to her in a certain way maybe she’ll see there’s legitimate problems..my wife has also taken a leave at work for a week, she said the house needs to be cleaned inside and out and that we need to figure things out about our situation. I’m not leaving that house or the bedroom and i’m not giving up on us. I won’t let her put me in the garage. She hasn’t brought up divorce for about a week now, and she was wondering what me and the therapist were talking about, if we were talking bad about her, and if we had to pay for it. I’m so drained though, do i need to tell her how i feel or will it be a mute point and make things worse? She said last week that communication was our main problem and that its too late now but after i communicated how i felt she acted more open and wasn’t as cold towards me
Her mom also said she doesn’t even know what’s going on with her anymore and that she needs to be clear about us, saying if she’s done she needs to say so and follow through but that she can’t be expecting to stay friends with me or me doing stuff for her. She knows she’s been drinking, smoking, drinking, and hanging out late a lot. It’s basically like she’s trying to throw her life and future away
I would suggest to stop trying to talk to her about your R. Back off. You arent going to make her stop. Also, tell your MIL to back off as well. Detach detach detach. Validate and thats it. Stop giving suggestions or feedback on behavior. It does not help.
Focus on yourself.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
So my wife just texted me “you’re paying half the bills this month” idk if she was asking or saying, then she said we have a coupon we need to use at this store, then said “im making the makeup room your room until you figure out your living arrangements”..im not paying anything or sleeping anywhere but in the bed with her if she expects me to leave. Idk how to confront her on this though, the only reason she’ll need me to pay half is because of the leave she took, she hasn’t even cleaned any, just been out hanging or partying. I really want things to work. Does the book and sandi’s rules apply here? Do i need to put my foot down or will it make things worse. She said i need to communicate how i feel so do i need to do that?
Jb, your W has no respect for you. And respect is closely linked to attraction. So you have to do things that command respect. Like NOT giving up the MBR. No matter what. No matter how mad it makes her. Yes the book AND sandi's rules apply here. You have a Wayward Wife, and sandi's rules are specifically for a WW.
You need to stand your ground. You need to command respect. Even if he is gets angry and mad and even hates you for it!
On your last question, the answer is NO. You listen to her. And validate her. PERIOD.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thank you for the quick replies, i was really steamed and sad when she said that. She asked me to help her grandmother move yesterday, which i did, then asked about me paying half the bills, which i said yes, then this..i want her to respect me again so she can be attracted to me like she was, but idk how to do that
