I’m constantly trying to rationalise her behaviour but I also know it is a total waste of time. My brain just have the capacity to process what has gone on.
If I swap me for her in this sitch, I would be utterly embarrassed, feel immense shame for what I had done and would think trying to have an OP, stay in the house, get W to leave etc would be the most brazen, selfish and disrespectful thing I could possibly do. Yet when it is me that is being treated in that way, I never see it quite like that. It is really gets on my nerves that I clearly don’t have the level of self respect that I should have - I do not deserve to be treated in this way by anyone.
This is all fine....however, you will regret not doing what I said above......for the rest of your life....if you do not grow a pair and take back respect, then you will regret it for the rest of your life. You will look back in 2, 5, or 10 years and say "If I had stood up for myself, commanded respect, and done what I should have, who knows how it would have worked out."
Further, you have kids. And you have to set an example.People treat us the way we teach them to treat us. Your kids will know this.......
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
This is all fine....however, you will regret not doing what I said above......for the rest of your life....if you do not grow a pair and take back respect, then you will regret it for the rest of your life. You will look back in 2, 5, or 10 years and say "If I had stood up for myself, commanded respect, and done what I should have, who knows how it would have worked out."
Living with that regret would hollow me out. Whatever happens further down the line, I need to know I have done right by me and my kids. I can only control and be responsible for my own actions and inactions and will have to live with them.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Further, you have kids. And you have to set an example.People treat us the way we teach them to treat us. Your kids will know this.......
How would I answer a grown up D if/when she asks me why I didn’t do anything. She would rightly wonder why I didn’t do the right thing and stand by the family. She will need to know an age appropriate version of what W has done soon.
A S friend of mine lets his W treat him like junk in front of his kids when he sees her. They all now mimick her behaviour towards him and so he has lost all their respect. He continues to put himself in the situation where she gets the opportunity to do it. It will be a huge struggle for him to get the respect back.
I’ve told D and W I’m moving back in. My lease is up, she broke our agreement and he is hanging about around my house.
She is rattled. Got some lawyerspeak email from her that tries to weaponise the children and her depression against me.
She says she will start mediation if I move back in. As if that is a threat?!
My response will be that I will move back in if a) she starts mediation b) let’s OM anywhere near my house and my D, or c) when my lease comes to an end. Whichever of those scenarios comes first will trigger my move.
Found out today W is getting two cats. She knows I’m allergic to cats. She also knows D is allergic to cats.
Rooney, now that you've given her a heads-up on your plan to move back in--and it sounds like she may be taking extreme countermeasures such as owning a pet you're allergic to--do you have a plan to deal with simple ones such as her changing the locks?
Rooney, now that you've given her a heads-up on your plan to move back in--and it sounds like she may be taking extreme countermeasures such as owning a pet you're allergic to--do you have a plan to deal with simple ones such as her changing the locks?
She isn’t allowed by law to change the locks to the house that we both own. It wouldn’t do her any good. She knows there isn’t anything she can do to stop me moving back beyond emotional blackmail and cat allergens.
I’ll take plenty of antihistamines for me and my D. 😀
It doesn't get much more passive-aggressive than intentionally introducing a health hazard into your home. Yikes.
Good on you for stepping up, hang in there!
Cheers U. It is embarrassing to say that standing up to her and telling her I am moving back into my house has removed all anxiety I had. I had become a total shell and didn’t realise.
I think she is now realising her control is slipping.
That's awesome Rooney. Yeah sometimes I do or say things now that I would have been terrified to do or say previously. It is a strangely empowering feeling when fear melts away.
That's awesome Rooney. Yeah sometimes I do or say things now that I would have been terrified to do or say previously. It is a strangely empowering feeling when fear melts away.
Yep. It seems it is as simple as stepping into the perceived fire to realise it isn’t there. It’s just been built up by our Nice Guys.
