Had MC earlier today. We did a communication exercise where I was the speaker and W was the listener. I chose a past event that encapsulated a lot of our issues - my W's tendency to unload all her resentment at once, my own inability to process the information (at the time) without cycling and spinning, our joint inability to work together through issues. We got pretty deep into things. It was very matter-of-fact and not particularly emotional - partly because of the awkwardness of the setup. My W seemed a little defensive but she listened. I brought up some ways I have changed since this incident, not trying to go too deep into my personal issues... this part was awkward. At the end, the counselor suggested I make a request that I need to be heard. I corrected him, and said, "I would like to be heard, but I don't need to be heard."
I'm not sure if this exercise was good or bad for our relationship whether as co-parents or spouses. I guess we'll see. It's probably my W's turn next week ::cringe::
However... I'm glad we did it. Either I was laying necessary groundwork (for MR 2.0) or I was being much more assertive and shedding some NGS. No outcome expectancy from this talk. I feel really good. When I did some coaching a couple months back, the general advice was to just be positive and focus on improving myself. That's how I felt today -- positive, and happy to let go of some of this baggage and air out my feelings.
It's a weird feeling... part of my NGS has been giving over control and power of my happiness to my W. It's almost like my happiness was a delicate crystal ball and she shattered it -- I want to thank her for making me realize happiness is my responsibility. I didn't feel particularly emotional today, just described how I see things. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been as attracted to her in the past, had I resolved my NGS issues sooner. I honestly don't know.
