So in MC, our therapist told me to stop sending negative texts about what this counseling is for. She also wants me to be more consistent with everything. I feel I already am, but not to her.
So since she is really sensitive to the negative texts, I decided to send her one sweet text in the morning and evening. I spoke to her about it on webchat and she told me it was a lot, but that she was processing it and thinking about it. I asked her if she wanted me to keep doing it or stop and she said no that it was nice and I could keep doing it if I wanted too. She told me to not get upset if she didn’t always respond, though. I told her I wouldn’t.
I hope this is the right thing to do.
Well you're bouncing from one extreme to another and your W is probably really confused by it. This is the problem with people in the throes of having been BD'd- they try ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to "put things back to normal" when what they should be doing is NOTHING. They'll try to "nice" the WAS back, then "mean" them back if that doesn't work, then "nice" them back again when mean doesn't work, and everything inbetween. As Cadet is fond of saying, doing nothing is doing something. Doing nothing is actually very powerful after BD. The problem for the LBS is doing nothing feels like nothing, and it scares them because they think they need to take action.
I don't know what you mean by "sweet" texts but I am in 100% agreement with your C that all negative talking/ texting MUST stop. That is the biggest 180 any LBS can make. But it's got to be a consistent 180 over a long period of time before the WAS will believe it's real. Polite is fine, but be careful not to get too lovey in texts as that is relationship pressure. Your goal is to remove all pressure.
