Including the bait to talk to your friend about this!
I had a similar situation this weekend. My W and I are S'd, but agreed that with a particular set of mutual friends we would not get them involved in the middle of things, we could both continue to see them, etc. I didn't have the kids this weekend, so I asked a buddy to hang out. He said he was busy -- turns out he was busy doing stuff with his W and my W and our kids.
At first I was irritated with my W for not letting me know she would be taking the kids to see our friends. But then I realized that we did not agree that we would let each other know if we hung out with mutual friends. It wasn't discussed. So nix that.
Then I was irritated with my friend for not letting me know. But then I realized he probably felt like he didn't know what to do, because he was in the middle of it already. He had no clue that I didn't know what my W and kids would be doing.
Replace my W and kids with your dog and it's basically the same story.
Have compassion for your friend, that is not an easy spot to be in.
For your W - she is either intentionally or unintentionally irritating you. If intentional - you have given her control of your emotions by letting her sh*t test you, something to work on. If unintentional - her behavior is just more confirmation that you are on the right path!
