AS, I do like your suggestion of having a draft settlement agreement prepared when I deliver the message. It shows action has been taken, not just words. The wording is a bit too business like for me though. It's important to me to tell her that I'm doing this out of respect for myself and that I accept her decision to not work on the MR. I feel that must be said for closure.
That's fine just try not to get too emotional during the convo. "Businesslike" is actually a good attitude to strive for, because she will realize you're serious and not just trying to trick her into getting back together.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
AS, I must say that you have a knack for getting the LBS to think long and hard before making a major decision. There have been a few occasions where I’ve read your posts and put the brakes on steps I thought I was ready to take. I appreciate that and I can see you are a strong supporter of giving these sitches time and letting them play out. Probably because you know that these affairs don’t last 9 times out of 10.
Quite right about affairs, they rarely last long. But I don't say that to suggest you bide your time to see if the affair peters out. It's really just to make sure your mind is in the right place. For me it took a good 18 months to get to the point where I knew for sure I was ready for D. There were times before that that I -thought- I was ready, but I was still going back and forth. There's no rush, just take your time and make sure you are ready. When you can think about D without anger or pain or sadness then you're getting there.
Quote
I am done with the BS and perpetual lies. This is not a trick and I am okay with the outcome of D at this point. I haven’t seen genuine change in her or desire to ever want to be with me again. Since BD, I have confirmed at least 3 PAs (and suspect at least 2 more), online dating with a few other men, sexting fantasies with people she’s never met, gaslighting, physical separation, loss of my kids 50% of the time, cake eating, and the selfishness persists. I just ask myself why would I elect to continue a MR with this person. Have you ever seen a WW come back and want to R with a track record such as hers?
As hard as it may be to believe, yes I have! But usually by the time they come around the LBS is done with them. For many WW's it's almost like a mental illness. They behave in ways completely out of character with who they were. Many of them eventually get "back to normal" and often can't even believe themselves that they did what they did. Often the damage is so bad that no matter how humble they are when they return it's not enough for the LBS. The LBS is understandably skeptical that they are really "healed" and won't just do it all over again.
