Moving past D to a stronger me (pt. 7)

[Davide]

Thanks guys. I agree to just let it go with EW, but with my friend i just feel as though i should address it. Because it does bother me. I used to run away from confrontation or difficult conversations, and I have made it a priority not to do that anymore.

Summer has been great. I took two week-long trips, which sandwiched a week spent up with my family and friends. First I was in Puerto Rico (before the protests) with a friend. It was a blast, we explored a good bit but also spent a lot of time at the beach just chilling. Then I spent a week in Alaska, visiting another friend. It was sublime. The vastness of the land, the contrast between lush green meadows full of flowers and vast ice fields and glaciers just steps away, the wildlife - moose, bears, caribou, puffins, whales, porcupines, the fresh-caught salmon! My friend and I spent a couple of nights hiking in Denali national park - we were fortunate to see the peak for a few hours from our campsite (only 30% of visitors see it due to ever-present cloud cover). We spent a night in a cute little town called Talkeetna where we listened to a Grateful Dead cover band in a dive bar until midnight and walked out into a still light-filled "night". We also went on a day long boat tour (my friend was the park ranger narrating the trip) to visit glaciers in Kenai Fjords where we also saw whales breaching, puffins diving, sea otters and seals. The highlight of the trip was a 7.5 hour hike up and down the side of Exit Glacier, 3,500 feet of elevation change. We made it up to the start of the Harding Ice field which feeds all the glaciers and goes on for 40 miles. It was one of the most spectacular views I have ever seen in my life. The harshness of the icy tundra belied by the 70 degree temperature and the lush vegetation below. Breathtaking.

I've been dating as well with mixed success. Lots of online conversations, many of which fizzle, a bunch of dates of which only a few show any spark. I am starting to doubt my ability to read social cues. Twice last week I went on dates (a first, and a second date) with different women, and I left the date thinking that the women was not interested, that something had fallen flat. In both cases I was proven wrong when the woman reached out the very same day to contact me and let me know what a good time they had. It's not a question of insecurity or lack of confidence, just an interesting failure to interpret signals correctly.

One of those women I saw on Thursday for a mid-day date, a lunch-time walk along the greenway. When she reached out again we ended up meeting again on Friday night when we out to a way-too-cool-for-us repurposed industrial space that is getting repopulated with artist studios and on Friday nights they have food trucks, live music, beer, etc... We spent a great night talking and trading dating stories. I haven't seen anyone who made me laugh this hard ever. It was one of those nights that you don't want to end. However, she is also separated, 6 months out of a 8 year long marriage (with a 3 yr old). Afterward she texted me to let me know that she is unclear what she wants at this point and feels like she could be dangerous to herself and others (in the dating sense). She is in therapy, has a regular yoga practice, and is open when talking about her marriage and the failures, so she is doing the right things, but may not be ready. That said, I'll keep dating other people, but I'd like to keep seeing her without any expectations. I had 3 other dates over the weekend and another few in the process of getting set-up for this coming week, so I'm keeping my options open and not placing too all my hopes in this one basket.

Last night we agreed to meet on Wednesday when she doesn't have her child. She asked me what was on my "bucket list" which wasn't a very clear question to me, but she told me that she wanted to know what I was psyched to do, as an inspiration for Wed night. My immediate response was that I'm dying to try a rock-climbing wall set over water where there are no ropes - you just have to let go and fall into the 16 ft. pool below. But, it's not a date idea necessarily, so I began writing to her about a new duckpin bowling facility which just opened in my neighborhood (a safer date idea). Before I could even send that message, she wrote back to me saying ok, let's do it! (the climbing wall) I was beyond surprised, and honestly quite touched. Not only had she asked me for something I was passionate about, but she was game to try it (she's not a climber) with me. Quite frankly, it struck me as an act of generosity that I have almost never seen in the dating world. I'll often suggest ideas for dates and have women go along with them, but this felt different - she wanted to know my passion and do it for me. I'm struggling to recall the last time anyone (a date or not) has shown such a generosity of spirit with me. It's a small thing, but I really do appreciate it.

I hope everyone is well. I haven't been around much lately, and sometimes feel egotistical posting updates. I know it helps me to put them down in writing. Hopefully it brings some levity and humor to the forum, and perhaps shows some other folks that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a wide world out there if you open yourself up to it. Be well, all!