I get a message from her after one hour that "Was I even planning to tell her my plans for my D's birthday or not (Though I am telling her a week in advance). That I built this whole plan without talking to her and how would I feel if she takes D out of town for days without even letting me know. She mentioned that i knew how important D's birthday was for her and I was talking to her like I am giving her few hours with D on her birthday as charity". Also wrote that I should put myself in her shoes and think how would I have felt if she pulled out this [censored] on me"
I haven't replied back to the message but I wanted to write back that "I don't want to take her time with D and she can have her for half day that day and rest I can have with D as we are separated and not a family anymore. That being said, she shouldn't be giving me sermons on feelings as she can't even fathom what her affair has made me feel and damage it is causing to all family members and specially our D. But I don't plan to reply or keep it short saying that "she can have her half time with D and this is no charity as she is her mother. If she would like then we can go to the zoo, then me and D can leave a little later in the evening instead of afternoon"
Just listen and validate. "W, I can tell you are upset, I can see why you would feel that way. I will work on trying to communicate plans better with you in the future. In the meantime if you would like some personal time with D on her birthday then I would suggest XYZ." Try to be businesslike. Not sure what your line of business is but when a client comes at me like that then I reply with something cool and professional, I don't engage. Same thing here.
