Daily rollercoaster of emotions

[Nyla79]

Peacetoday, I have been watching so may videos and podcasts in the past week, just to kind of know what to expect if/when we really start working on this. I have also thought about calling a coach to help me/us.


Westo, one of my worries is exactly that I have learned and grown so much during this time, and I don’t know how much he has even started to process what has happened. I’m lightyears away from him and I just need to be patient and let him catch up. I also don’t want him to come home with unrealistic expectations that it is all going to be hearts and fireworks, because we will have to deal with this. He will eventually have to deal with the fact that he broke my heart and our children’s hearts and he will have to learn how to deal with the guilt of that, and hopefully one day let go of it.
I loved the quote from Jack 3beans, thank you for sharing it.


Gerda, I have longed for the touching as well and the lack of kissing when we have slept together has been hard to handle. That’s why It felt so amazing when he did kiss me last Sunday. I try to keep my expectations at zero, but the more closer he gets, the harder it is. Even just in a week our communication has gotten so much better than what it has been in these months. I feel like we are connecting again.


What has happened since last Wednesday. That was when H was gone for business and we had a nice evening chatting over texts and talking. On Thursday and Friday I didn’t really hear from him, some messages about the kids but nothing more. Of course, this caused some anxiety in me. I was afraid that he’s gone again, but then realized that even if he is gone again, there’s nothing I can do about it, so I just need to continue on my path…

Saturday, he texted me in the evening about the kids and then started to talk about leaving the OW. He is having scheduling problems with it (as silly as it sounds) They’re both traveling so much this month for work, that he doesn’t know when he could actually tell her it’s over. I just mostly listened and gave very general advice when he asked. I didn’t try to push for him to end the affair or to move back home. It all has to come from his desire to come back.

Yesterday he called me on his way to a business dinner, and we talked about nothing really, just silly day-to-day stuff, and we joked back and forth, a really nice conversation. When he got to the restaurant he told me he should go in, and I said well we never even got to why you called me. He said he just called because he was thinking about me. This has not happened since the BD. All of our phone calls since then have had a specific purpose, we don’t just call for no reason. So that felt good. He also told me he had decided to deal with the OW next week, as he’s gone all week and weekend this week. So, then I guess we’ll see what happens. I know actions speak louder than words, so I’m eagerly waiting.