Now what?

[BarbH]

So Friday night he comes home and I'm afraid I lost my marbles 'started yelling about not being plan b, I wasn't sitting here tending home fires while he ran around trying to find someone else. A lot of choice language. How badly he treated me while mother was dying and if it's over maybe we should just sell . Pretty much everything you probably shouldn't say. Amazingly he say and took it. When I said "and I'm worried about you". He started sobbing. I said "sometimes I think you have me and I repulse you. He said "no I don't hate you i love you but I don't want to hurt you anymore". Then a few other thtings. We ended up holding hAnds and talking for a bit. Then I could see him getting antsy so I moved away. We were able to talk he was able to make eye contact.

Next morning off to bank he gave me hug before we left. Asked me to call him later. I did and he asked (normally) what I was doing. I said a few things then heading home. He called later to say he was at his office but on his way home. Then he phones 10 minutes later and says "who did you tell about Maria as she says it's all over town we had an affair". I said your family. Then he said what about doctors "I said Cheri (mutual friend of me an Ow) who is actually the person who told me it wasn't physicial". I said " but you were inappropriatle y emotionally involed". To which he said yes but I wasn't infatuated! This was all in a very normal tone.

Then I said I had hoped he was coming home as I was excited....I'd been reading up on sbt counselling and wanted to talk about it. HEpe even sounded positive and. It felt like we've had a bit of a breakthrough. Two days of reasonable conversation.

Then I'm at work today and he phones me to talk about issues with our boat and how he's taking it to town but he'll be back later say 9ish. Goes to sister's again and she tells him not to make the hour drive home as he's falling asleep on couch. So we've lost another evening. She hopes we can keep talking I'm going to have to tell her we can't if he's always there!
And with both our shiftwork it's hard to have time together.

THen I see his paperwork and his pulling his accounts to a different bamk....which for some reason sets me right off again.

It felt like we made baby steps and now losing momentum.