It’s great to see you starting to understand things better. Letting go of control is very important. Working on yourself and changing for the better is the most important. Not for your W but for yourself. Make a list of goals and start crossing them off one by one. Let’s see if you can stick to your words, good luck!
You know what did it? Last night we decided to take S to a car show. We walked around and looked at all the rods andvreally enjoyed ourselves. After that we just drove around for about an hour after that and jammed out to some music. The way the evening went I can tell you the way it would have ended for any other red blooded man and woman who were doing that same thing
But we got home and it was well good night like roommates who sleep in the same bed. Everything was very nice and friendly and even close. But it became crystal clear that I’m firmly in the friend zone.
I was like “what the hell am I doing”. I’m trying to actively impress her and woo her back. I’ve done that once. 10 years ago. She fired me. She’s not “in love” with me any more. This is a waste of time.
I need to work on me. I need to impress me. I need to challenge me. I need to stop chasing her
I can say, ignoring that feeling is hard. It's fighting a deep instinct. But you can do it. I DBed soft and took at least two months before I had the resolve to go hard. The first time I did, I felt sick, something that has never happened to me. But it can be done. And then you find it gets easier and easier. You have the strength in you and you can do it.
I think of that Seinfeld episode the opposite. So funny, but there is a real element of truth. And for a while, that is what I did, the opposite of my instinct. Eventually, you'll get into a new rhythm and your instinct will evolve (and then you just follow). But it is all possible. Just give it a go.
You know what did it? Last night we decided to take S to a car show. We walked around and looked at all the rods andvreally enjoyed ourselves. After that we just drove around for about an hour after that and jammed out to some music. The way the evening went I can tell you the way it would have ended for any other red blooded man and woman who were doing that same thing
But we got home and it was well good night like roommates who sleep in the same bed. Everything was very nice and friendly and even close. But it became crystal clear that I’m firmly in the friend zone.
I was like “what the hell am I doing”. I’m trying to actively impress her and woo her back. I’ve done that once. 10 years ago. She fired me. She’s not “in love” with me any more. This is a waste of time.
I need to work on me. I need to impress me. I need to challenge me. I need to stop chasing her
Now I do hope to get her back
But it’s about me
When things don't add up in a relationship. Subtract yourself from it.
You know what did it? Last night we decided to take S to a car show. We walked around and looked at all the rods andvreally enjoyed ourselves. After that we just drove around for about an hour after that and jammed out to some music. The way the evening went I can tell you the way it would have ended for any other red blooded man and woman who were doing that same thing
But we got home and it was well good night like roommates who sleep in the same bed. Everything was very nice and friendly and even close. But it became crystal clear that I’m firmly in the friend zone.
I was like “what the hell am I doing”. I’m trying to actively impress her and woo her back. I’ve done that once. 10 years ago. She fired me. She’s not “in love” with me any more. This is a waste of time.
I need to work on me. I need to impress me. I need to challenge me. I need to stop chasing her
Now I do hope to get her back
But it’s about me
As I said before, it is up to her whether or not you are in the friend zone. It is up to you how long you remain there. Your choices are to put up with the FZ as long as she keeps you there (maybe forever) or doing as IHC says and getting out of the R all together.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ohhh. My brother in law works at the same job as my wife. He has been there 18 years. He told me that the guy I’m kinda worried about at her job is divorced. He has a kid about the same age as our S. And he is single he is also the guy that W has told me less about than any of her other coworkers.
It doesn’t mean anything. It just means I learned he is divorced. But I also know that my W has had no time for a PA. And it could be nothing. It could be something. But my brain is probably making stories
Ok. Time to get to work on my not spiraling skills. And my story stopping skills. I’m going to sit here with for a min. Swim in it. Realize there is nothing I can do about it. Forget about it and keep getting ready for work.
This is still hard. But it seems a touch easier than the last time I hit a slump.
I think I’m gaining
Mornin Steve.
On the FZ thing and getting out of it. How does that mix with DBing? Like when you say “getting out of the R all together” do you mean just ending it for good and getting Dd?
Or does it mean I am just DBing so hard and GALing like crazy and there is no time for R unless she wants one?
Or is that what would make her take me out if the FZ?
I just would like a little clarification on that please.
Either way I’m really excited about my breakthrough this weekend. I don’t know what changed inside. But something did. I’m really excited to feel a little growth. I’m actually READY to work on myself
Last edited by Cadet; 07/30/1909:11 PM. Reason: combine posts
You will not get out of the friend zone until she starts to view you differently if she ever does. There are inherent things about each of us that are really very hard to change. It really all depends on what she is looking for and values the most.
Good....on yourself and become the most attractive person you can be. It will help with your confidence and self esteem
So total focus on myself. And being super dad. Cause I’m not ready to D her yet. And I have no evidence of A so no tough love yet.
Just focus on me and be great at everything!
Hopefully she notices. Maybe she won’t.
But the hard rule is let her make the first move on EVERYTHING ? Absolutely everything. From a light touch to the big stuff. She makes the first move right? Talking about R talking about future. Everything right?
