Thanks LB55 for your thoughts.
Wife and I discussed our D's birthday (coming Sunday) plan today and I mentioned that as per her suggestion, we can plan the zoo in the morning and then have lunch together and then I would like to take D to a resort for two days.
She was like can we do something on Saturday and I said that I already have some personal plans on Saturday (which I really have).
I finally said that I would like to start early on Sunday and would like to finish by afternoon so that me and D can leave as its around 3 hour drive.

I get a message from her after one hour that "Was I even planning to tell her my plans for my D's birthday or not (Though I am telling her a week in advance). That I built this whole plan without talking to her and how would I feel if she takes D out of town for days without even letting me know.
She mentioned that i knew how important D's birthday was for her and I was talking to her like I am giving her few hours with D on her birthday as charity".
Also wrote that I should put myself in her shoes and think how would I have felt if she pulled out this [censored] on me"

I haven't replied back to the message but I wanted to write back that "I don't want to take her time with D and she can have her for half day that day and rest I can have with D as we are separated and not a family anymore. That being said, she shouldn't be giving me sermons on feelings as she can't even fathom what her affair has made me feel and damage it is causing to all family members and specially our D. But I don't plan to reply or keep it short saying that "she can have her half time with D and this is no charity as she is her mother. If she would like then we can go to the zoo, then me and D can leave a little later in the evening instead of afternoon"

The only thing is that this all again may make her feel that her opinion does not matter and that was one of her complaints that she did not feel valued and felt her opinions did not matter.(Just to mention that throughout our M, I was dominant one and bit of controlling as well). This is a big 180 for me and I believe I have made a huge progres on these but I don't want to portray that I still haven't made any changes and am still the same old guy by making sure things go my way.

As always, would appreciate feedback from vets and all friends here.