This Is my 1st post to the forum, but I've been on here for a few weeks.
So, 3 weeks ago Saturday, I got home around noon, my wife was sitting on the back porch and something just didn't feel right. I asked her what was wrong, said she was just thinking, I asked about what and this is where everything gets a bit fuzzy. She said ILYBNILWY. Said that shes probably felt this way for 3 years but just recently had time to think about things when she went with her girlfriend and girlfriends 2 daughters two weeks earlier on a camping/kayaking weekend and had hours to think while floating down the river.
I don't remember everything that was said that day but I cried, said we could fix this, even offer to find a marriage counselor but she said she wouldn't do more than a visit or 2. She went on to say she was done and couldn't do this anymore but she had nowhere to go. She ended up going to her friends house that night so I could think about things and came home Sunday night after she knew I was already asleep.
Since then, shes been home about 2 days a week, spending Wednesday thru Sunday evenings with her friends. The first 2 days after she broke the news to me, we only said maybe 10 words between us and she was spending the evening hours in another room avoiding me. Shes sleeping in the spare room, I have the MBR. The past 2 weeks, things have gotten progressively more "normal" around the house, good conversations, eating dinner together, hanging out on the back porch and shopping, although she still in the other room and only home 2-3 days a week. Almost feels like were just friends though. There's like no emotional connection there.
I haven't brought up anything about the day she broke the news to me or anything about our relationship. Just going day by day being almost like a friend.
Guess I should give some of our past. Will be M for 24 years this September, D21, S18. One of her complaints is we never did anything together including anything significant for our anniversaries, just dinners. We did stuff early on, just the 2 of us, but as the years went on, everything we did included the kids. Four years ago (around or 20th anniversary) she had a voucher for a hotel on the lake, I shot it down because of bad reviews and never booked anything else. She said this is about the time she started falling out of love. We used to go hiking or for walks together but even that came to an end over a year ago. The last several months I knew something wasn't right but didn't do anything about it.
I've had 3 recessions with a DB coach, starting 3 days after getting the bad news. After 1st secession, told me to just talk to her like a friend and no R talk. Maybe even try asking her if she wanted to go out and get a biet to eat or something, never did.
After the 2nd secession, had me work on validation and empathy with her and had me write her an apology letter taking ownership of the things I did wrong in her eyes in the R, but not give it to her.
3rd and final secession, fine tuned the apology letter and told me to give it to her when I felt things were going good. Not sure if the friend stage we're at is when I should or not or do I wait until I see changes in her that looks like she's having a change of heart. Also to continue validation/empathy. And to write down situations, what I did that work and what didn't.
So, where I'm at now, we're like friends, talking and hanging out around the house. No physical contact except for a single shoulder massage I gave her. No R talk. I'm not sure where her head is with what's going on. I want to talk R and talk to her about working on what we can do to start moving in the right direction. Forgot to mention, there's been no mention of the D or separation.
I'm sorry this is so long, just trying to get all the info in.
