Anxious, Emotional Neglect, and LRT (Ep. 2)

[sandi2]

I didn't react too much nor get excited. I validated what she said. I replied I never knew she felt that way, and it filled me with hope. She cried, we hugged. And I said that we require a new relationship, and it must be different otherwise there is no new relationship. I explained I needed respect. I needed to be vulnerable, and we need to rebuild slowly. I also admitted I was a s*ty husband. My inability to be vulnerable was because of passive-aggressive behaviour due to not standing up and expressing myself. And we never prioritised our relationship and that must change.

Weren't you advised in the previous thread that if she took this direction, not to lay out all that stuff?

It seems she had a revelation.

Oh, ple---ease! She's playing you, Josh.

All I can say is that this came about after five solid, hard days of DB. I can't tell you how hard it was to look her in the eye and say "No I'm not obliged to do that, you fired me as husband".

And, ^^^^^^ that's why she's testing your emotional temperature to the relationship. Five days is only a challenge for her. All she has to do is put on a little performance, and wham......she has you in the palm of her hand. I should have shipped you some duct tape to put over your mouth. Better yet, whenever a WW asks for dinner so you can talk.......that should be a giant red flag waving a warning. She already had her script memorized.

And we are in separate bedeooms. That might not ever change since we comfortable with not common view to keep separate rooms but come together for sex.

I think I've previously commented on the topic of separate bedrooms except when using for sex, so I won't get into that part. However, it would seem to me, that if she felt lonely and genuinely wanted a better MR, she would have been moving someone's things back into the marital bedroom. If you've been comfortable with having separate bedrooms for a considerable length of time, I think it could be challenging to readjust. Maybe it's a difference in viewpoints, but I think women need more than just the sex act. They need to feel that intimate closeness after sex has ended, while lying in her H's arms.

I will consider it a true start when I see consistent respect, frequent sex, regular time together, and couples therapy.

^^^^^^^^^That's usually the result of a lot of hard work, but I get what you are saying. At this point, her willingness is the fuel that will get the engine running. Without willingness, it won't get off the ground.

I encourage you to observe three things in her during the coming days/weeks........attitude, words and behavior. When they match, then you will likely be able to determine if she meant what she said at the dinner conversation, or if she simply gave you a temperature check. If she wasn't serious, it won't take long to see that old wayward rebellion, disrespect, and selfishness rearing its ugly head.