I'm ready to admit to myself that my wife has been having and has had an affair over the past 6 months. I don't have any concrete proof but lots has happened to suggest otherwise. Biggest one being getting her own place.
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Anyways - the author suggests that the only way to have any chance is to confront her and take away the excitement of the affair. Only then will she "maybe" come to her senses and realize the effects of what she's done.
Jac, you said you have no proof there's been an affair. The two of you are currently living in separate houses, right? Therefore, confronting her about an affair that, at best, is only suspicion.......plus the fact she has already left the marital home, is going to make you look like a nutcase. This is not going to shake her up!
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"W. It's come to my attention that you have had an affair and are currently having an affair. What has come to your attention, other than she moved out of the marital home? Do you have intell from some source? While this certainly upsets me I think it's important for you to know that I don't think this makes you a bad person and I don't think this defines you as a person. No, don't say this, b/c it just sounds too much like the nice-guy stuff. I will be able to forgive you if you are willing to be open and discuss this as two mature adults who care about each other. BIG MISTAKE......and it's more nice-guy stuff. If there is any chance of us deepening our connection and moving forward then we will have to do this together. Emotional pressure. You don't get it. She doesn't want you or the MR right now. If we can get through this I will give you my 100% best effort and will not make you feel guilty for your past. She KNOWS you'd take her back, and give it your best effort........but that's not tempting, exciting, or even interesting enough to change her mind. To her, it's not about what you think, feel, do, or say. It's all about her. "
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I plan to talk to her about this tonight.
Please don't. Even if she went back home, it would be a matter of time before she left again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
