I agree that I don’t think your w is in an affair.
LH19 - Sorry I was not implying that you thought that. I just mention it from time to time in my posts because I know that a quick read of my sitch may lead one to conclude EA/PA is obvious.
Originally Posted by IronWill
I would counter that if you're standing for the M, there would be no deadline. I have none. This takes the time it takes. I didnt want the MR to end, my W effectively ended it because she is in a MLC or depression or WAW mindset or whatever the hell you want to call it.
I did get a few peeks inside my W's mind over the arguments and fights last year. It's why I dont ask anymore, why I removed all pressure (i still screw up from time to time but it's really rare now). It is absolute chaos inside her head right now. I would bet it's like that inside your Ws head too.
IW - I have to say thank you for spurring a lot of introspection on my side.
On the one hand, removing pressure allows our WAS to make decisions on their own. Pressure will almost always push them out the door.
On the other hand, part of DB is about self-differentiation, understanding your own needs, and standing up for yourself (NMMNG). Setting boundaries.
So perhaps the way to view some of these decision is: Am I setting a healthy boundary, or am I unnecessarily adding pressure?
And for this timeline decision... I'm not sure what is the right answer. It feels somewhere in between. The nice thing is that I can make this decision at any time, I do not have a deadline.
I was about to end the post... and then I thought more. It gets complicated. So many thoughts swirling around, I need to let them settle. Pressure, NGS, boundaries, walking my path - things are not so clear sometimes. "I am not willing to go back to the old MR" - did I add pressure, or did I resolve NGS, or am I just walking my path? My W seems to think I am enjoying the S, that this is somehow all my idea -- do I just let that slide, or be vocal that I did not want this but I am going to GAL and have a PMA regardless?
I don't know... I'm stuck here. Will have to think more.
