Steve you are right. It hit me last night. I couldn’t sleep and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
She turned toward me in bed. (So what, that’s impressive after sleeping in the same bed for a decade( sarcasm))
All the niceness and cordial ness and being friendly means that there has been a little progress. But that’s it. I’m her mind she is probably still done. She is still waiting to exit. She is still typing in her phone a lot.
Can I change any of these things. NO!!
Can I change me? YES!!
She has given me the gift of change. I see clearly now most of my flaws as s man. Now I can correct them She has given me the gift of time by not just walking out the door yet. I need to make the most of it
I can’t prove or disprove an EA with whoever she is msging. So I’m done worrying about it
She doesn’t seem to be having a PA so I’m happy about that
There is no nicing her back or romance or anything like that.
I must shed all the crap that is weighing me down
If she had never BDd me. I would have never found the capacity to change
We don’t grow when we are comfortable. And this is crazy uncomfortable
I can’t change her mind. I can’t make her love me. I can’t make her not love somebody else. But I CAN love me. I can change my mind and my self. I can make myself AWESOME not just the guy she wants. But the guy ANY woman would want.
I can hope it’s her that likes the new awesome me and falls for me. But I have zero control over that so I’m done trying to change what I can’t control. I’ll just stick to hope. But expect nothing
Today is looking bright. I’ve actually got a smile on my face while typing this
Anyways. I’ve got 4 miles to pound out this morning.
