From the other side (#10)

[Gerda]

SBJ, I hear you on the disagreeing. I think it is very hard for me even after six years to not see this all as "temporary." I keep thinking the real H will reappear no matter how repulsive and evil he becomes.

The difference for me now is that I don't want to ask God to bring him back anymore. I still feel that it's God's will but I am finding that I don't want to ask God to complete his will. I get really upset at the thought that of years of celibacy -- not physically but just the affection -- or at having to take this horrible person back into my heart, let alone my bed! So mostly I just ask God to forgive me for that and for the other ways I have been turning away from Him. But I still pray constantly, even when I am feeling unworthy, to try to stay close.

About your friend's ex dying -- I TOTALLY understand that. It becomes impossible to separate any life event from the shattering of the family. My experience at my mother's funeral, two years post BD, was to me further proof of why divorce was so horrible. I was struck by how many awful things about the experience (funeral, packing her things, etc) were only awful because of my parents divorce confusing things. She was even buried many many hours from where me and my brother lived and grew up, in my stepfather's family plot, so I can never visit her grave. So all I can say about your friend is that his kids are giving a very true and right response, and trying to change that or suppress it would only make it worse. He needs to just listen and understand and wait for them to work through it. And pray pray pray!

SBJ, I am always praying for you. I often think of you, DnJ and Gordie to remind myself it's not about us -- if any woman would leave any of you, who are to me the pinnacle of great men to have as a husband, it's clearly not about you!