I'm ready to admit to myself that my wife has been having and has had an affair over the past 6 months. I don't have any concrete proof but lots has happened to suggest otherwise. Biggest one being getting her own place.
I've been reading an ebook on women's infidelity and it kind of explains what my wife has been going through. 31 years old - hormonal changes occurring and entering her sexual prime at a time when our marriage is past the honeymoon phase. She's wondering why she's not interested in sex with her husband (honeymoon phase has ended) and is seeking that feeling in general. She probably was feeling this for awhile leading up to her dads brain cancer diagnosis which may have pushed her over the edge and she finally acted on her feelings.
During this time I've been a complete pushover and essentially have enabled this behaviour. She's riding on the high of getting caught, the new experience, and whatever else. She feels confused because she knows Id' be a great life partner but she's feeling more intense feelings during her affair. So she distances herself further from our family to relieve her of the guilt. For now.
Anyways - the author suggests that the only way to have any chance is to confront her and take away the excitement of the affair. Only then will she "maybe" come to her senses and realize the effects of what she's done.
I plan to talk to her about this tonight. Here is a basic script I will say in a non threatening tone:
"W. It's come to my attention that you have had an affair and are currently having an affair. While this certainly upsets me I think it's important for you to know that I don't think this makes you a bad person and I don't think this defines you as a person. I will be able to forgive you if you are willing to be open and discuss this as two mature adults who care about each other. If there is any chance of us deepening our connection and moving forward then we will have to do this together. If we can get through this I will give you my 100% best effort and will not make you feel guilty for your past. " Then we'll see if she has a response.
Either way I will have to move forward with a separation agreement. I will move forward with that this week and set that boundary. Let her know that yes I'm willing to walk away from this - I'm not afraid of losing her.
Thoughts?
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
