Faith - a couple thoughts though forgive me for not knowing your full sitch. This is based only on your most recent post.
1) On W during this difficult time: I think it was good of you to validate and listen to her feelings during this incredibly difficult time. You're right to acknowledge how much this is affecting her. However, I'd be wary of trying to puzzle piece this tragedy into her own crisis or depression. Her step father's death may very well do NOTHING to "bring her back", and you should not set yourself up for disappointment by thinking that might happen. These things aren't so linear. A tragedy may have affected someone else's spouse on this board, but that in no way means it has anything to do with your own sitch. Just be careful with this thinking.
Regarding the funds, you know her sitch better than I. Is there any reasonable way for her to "make it work" financially? If you don't think it will harm her long term I don't think a GENTLE nudge or encouragement to tend to her mom is a bad thing. More like a suggestion, or just offering again to help out with the kids in any way that alleviates her stress. You are right that you can't make her attend. But in this situation an offer is appropriate IMO.
2) Regarding a family member being an attorney: If it's not too much of a strain for you financially I agree that a non-family member assisting you may be best long-term. Maybe not financially, but you're right that involving family can get messy in ways we don't anticipate. Maybe your new job offers an Employee Assistance Program through the benefits? Some of these offer free initial consults, which is a great way to start off working with an attorney and save a bit of money.
