I hope it really is a female friend she is going to see this evening. I know she has one that has been wanting to see her. She sure did ask a bunch what time I was gonna get off work today so I could watch S. Normally she would just take S to this sort of thing.
You have to suck it up bro.....stay busy, one of the purposes of gal. You have to possess enough internal strength to hold the line. Don't ask her questions about it. When she leaves tonight the only thing you say to her is have fun. Then no texting or calling.
Here is a question that I am still REALLY struggling with. Please help me wrap my head around it. I made a little headway with Detachment last night bu here is what’s tripping me up
Sandi you have said you think my W is emotionally vulnerable. My neighbor thinks this as well. She is searching for an emotional connection. How does making myself less available help this situation. It just doesn’t make sense. I know it’s counter intuitive. But that kinda just seems illogical. I DO understand that we each need to have our own lives. That is healthy. But if she is vulnerable right now. Shouldn’t I be DOING something. ANYTHING to help this vulnerability. Leaving her to her own mess like I’ve been told seems like I’m telling her I’m not available you should go find someone else to make you feel better
It feels like I’m asking her to go have an A. I haven’t ignored your guys advice. I promise. But I need it to make sense or I will never be able to put my heart into it.
I don’t know. That’s just it. It feels like she is reaching out. It really does. I know that it goes against everything here.
But when she is telling me how stressed she is and is asking what are you thinking about. And I give the generic “what a nice day answer” it’s like I’m saying your problems are not important to me. Im just gonna focus on myself. See what I mean? She asks like 10 times a day. What are you thinking about. This will be after she has actually opened up to me a bit emotionally and told me what’s going on in her head
She opens up emotionally, not blaming me for anything, and tries to tell me why she is stressed. Genuine feelings about our life. No blame or anger or anything like that. And tell me what’s going on. Which is a huge step for her post bd.
And then she asks about what i am thinking about and I say the weather or work or something about myself?!? How can she think she can emotionally attach to me if all I seem to do is think about myself
She told me night of BD. my whole adult life it’s been about you and S. It’s never been about me. And she is right
The neighbor has said she is really looking for someone to talk to. About deep stuff. And you guys tell me to avoid the deep stuff. I’m so lost.
Last edited by job; 07/27/1912:27 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
