"This arrangement isn't working for me anymore. I respect your decision to not work on our MR. I would have preferred to work things out, but I understand that is not what you want. I respect myself too much to continue waiting for someone that doesn't want to be with me. I realize that I could be waiting forever for that to happen and that's not fair to us or our family. I have decided to move forward with the D process and would like us to come to an agreement on custody and finances so the lawyers don't take all our money. I think you should find another place for your horse as soon as possible. Only contact me if it's an emergency related to the kids as I feel that's what I need to move on."
First I would suggest talking to a lawyer and preparing a settlement agreement yourself. THEN talk to her. "W, this separation isn't working for me and I've decided to proceed with D. I've consulted a lawyer and here are the settlement papers, please review them and let me know if you are in agreement. Please find another place for your horse as soon as possible and let's limit contact from now on to either issues related to the kids or the divorce settlement."
Please understand you should NOT do this to "wake her up" because it probably won't.
Originally Posted by curtis7
Well, some version of them all worked for others here in the past. I'm not saying to deliver just the words. It is a starting point that prompts the action. For instance, in Puppy's case, he told his W he knew about her affair, then followed up by filing for D when she refused to end the A. In Bustorama's case, he told his W he was basically done, went NC for many weeks, then moved on to D. Both of them R.
But in both of those cases they filed because they were done with the BS and ready to move on. I'm not sure you are there yet, it sounds like for you this is just a trick to get her back. In that regard it will fail, and then what? You'll say "oops sorry I want a do-over, I'm not proceeding with D after all." Don't do that. Think long and hard about this, take a few weeks or even months to sort out if this (divorce) is really what you want. Because it probably IS what she wants, and she will fully support you doing all the work for her.
