I do question the extensive GAL. Only because it does seem like my sitch is actually different. Maybe it’s not. But the more I actually look at it it seems the W is just in crisis mode. She’s just unhappy.
She is in a vulnerable state, due to the stress that has taken a toll on the M. When I look back on the years I dealt with my own child's health issues, I thought I was being a very strong woman. And I was, except for the fact my H and I were getting farther apart in our intimate relationship. I felt as if I was bearing my child's disease alone. I felt there was never any relief b/c it consumed a lot of my thoughts, energy, and time.
In hindsight, I'm sure I did not give my H the attention he needed. The MR suffered, and I became emotionally vulnerable. I remember how I wanted to go away without my H and kids. I wanted to escape for a while. I was very depressed. I didn't wake up one morning, deciding I was going to have an EA.
I wouldn't say your W is just going through a phase. It's seems, to me, more like results from years of dealing with stress at home. I think she is emotionally exhausted, frustrated, and resentful about the situation with her child.....and maybe you. In her frustration, she may lash out, blame, threaten, give the silent treatment, or act cold. It doesn't mean she's having an affair, but I think she is in a vulnerable condition. Now, don't go bonkers over what I said, okay? Don't imagine this or that.......just deal with reality. You cannot fix her. You can only fix yourself, and become the best version possible. Hopefully, she will respond positively to the improvements she sees in you......but if she doesn't, you will still be a better version.
Take a day at a time. Make today the best possible. Treat your W with respect. Don't be cold. Stay balanced with your GAL time and don't get obsessive and forget your responsibilities at home. Make sure you do your part in seeing after your son's needs and helping with the chores. Reject your own thoughts that want to send you spiraling. You are not a victim, so don't behave as if you are.
When I say to stay balanced, I mean don't grab a thought and run with it to the opposite end of the spectrum.
Your sitch is not special, except that it is YOUR sitch. You have a little boy with autism. Over the years, there have been several people come to the board who had children with special needs. (((hugs)))
How are you doing on the 180 of not saying anything about your health in her hearing distance? My former SIL was a hypochondriac, and I can testify to how it gets so old hearing it. Even if you don't say it directly to her, just mentioning it within her hearing distance, has the same affect. I don't mean to diminish the seriousness of your health. Living with cancer or any type of disease, makes your hyper aware of every little change in your body and how you feel physically that day. Maybe you could search for cancer surviving groups that share how they cope. Nobody truly knows how you feel, if they haven't walked in your shoes.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
