They begin to disconnect/distance themselves from us approximately 12-24 months prior to the bomb drop. Yes, as HaWho has pointed out, by the time the bomb drops, they've already divorced us. Yes, they do like to tell others that we are separated/divorcing and we are going to remain friends. That is all upstairs in their minds. They don't realize that when a divorce comes along, life will change not only for you, but for them as well. Friends to not treat friends the way the MLCer does.
As for the stages of MLC, they are just a guideline, i.e., just as the time it takes each and every one of them to go through the crisis. The stages of MLC are very much like those of the grieving process. They are grieving for the loss of their childhood and the past. We are grieving for the death of a marriage/relationship.
Read as much as you can on MLC and depression. Depression is the main ingredient of MLC.
Some will spew especially if they are put on the spot. Each person is unique and so is their personality and that means that the MLC will have some of the traits that they all have and other traits will be unique to that individual.
As for what he's telling people, I wouldn't try to explain to him any further that you aren't friends. Just go about your business and if someone says something to you about what he's said, say "the issue between us is personal and private at this time. I appreciate your concern". Don't feed those who come to you w/gossip.
Actions speak louder than words and you will need to watch and listen as time moves along. Keep the focus on you for the time being. They are just out in left field and you don't want to go out there w/him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
