Not struggling quite as much

[Jim1234]

Guys, thanks for the input.

Overall, I think you handled it well. And unless I am not remembering properly, there were some spiritual issues involved, weren't there? Is she straightening those out? (Sorry if I am not remembering this right.) If that is correct I do not see any future possible without her shoring that up.!

There are some spiritual issues, and that will have to be addressed.

I realize that you know this....but she has a lot of work to do, and the road back needs to be even more difficult than the road away. I truly believe that the best way to set yourself up for a future BD is to let the WAS comeback too easily. They need to prove to you and to themselves that they are in it for the long haul. So whatever you decide, make her do her work!!

That's one of the reasons I'm hesitant. She hasn't done any of the work to understand her failings as a wife, and her part in the failure of our marriage. I am not about to to just say "OK", and paper over all the issues. I've been through too much for that. I saw our marriage therapist yesterday, and she had some good suggestions such as requiring her to go to therapy as part of the process. She has a lot to prove to me that these changes are permanent, and that will take time.

I feel bad for the GF. This is why I do not advocate dating again until after the D is final (slight 2x4 here).

Yeah. Up until the other night, I was in the "date, but be honest with them about what's going on" camp, and now, knowing what's about to happen to the GF, I've changed my mind. The therapist also helped me realize that I am not fully detached yet from my wife, and now that my wife has reignited that issue, I need to address it before GF and I can really move forward. I don't want to let GF go, but if GF and I are ever going to have a relationship, it kind of needs to go through my wife. I know I worded that badly. Maybe "I need to try a reconciliation so wondering "what if" doesn't torpedo my GF's and my relationship in the future".