Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[curtis7]

Let’s call that post part 1, part 2 will include scripts for the possible confrontation that gives her the choice.

OK, here is where part 2 begins. I have compiled scripts and excerpts from my research on 100's of sitches. The posts that follow will be broken up into several parts by groups of members due to the length. DBers may benefit from these consolidated scripts at some point in the future. Hopefully, others find this to be a helpful resource.

For me personally, I'm still working on my script and will share to receive community feedback soon.

I've been thinking a long time about what to say to my WW and my subsequent actions. I am debating 1) whether to mention the A's/OM and 2) going NC for a period of time or filing for D after stating my position. On the former, it lets her know that I really know what's going on and what she's done, but I'm not sure it's worth even giving the OM any attention. On the latter, I don't know that a period of NC will shake her from the fog. I feel the A's would continue to run their course. I'm okay with the outcome of D based on everything I've gone through. I've accepted that. So, starting the D process will be moving my life forward.

Here are the scripts that I am considering. The first two are hard stance bust the affair scripts largely based on PuppyDogTails and Robx posts. The last two are more cool deliveries of accepting things as they are and calmly stating what I've decided largely based on Bustorama posts:

1) "Maybe you should sit down, we need to talk about something. I know all about you and the OM and it needs to stop. It's incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family. We always taught our kids the importance of honesty; I've decided that WHATEVER happens with us, I am going to insist on that in our family moving forward. If contact with the OM does not immediately cease, I want nothing more to do with you and I will prepare to take steps for D."

2) "Maybe you should sit down, we need to talk about something. From now on I'm moving in this direction, if you want to come along, go ahead, I won't control you and tell you that can or can't come but I can't wait for you anymore and you already know that if you're with the OM, you aren't with me, I'm not settling for anything less than that. If you really want to be with the OM, I really can't say or do anything to stop that and you should be with him if you're willing to lie so much to me, if you can't be true to me that means he's more important to you than I am and you know what... I'm ok with that because I'm more important to me and that's all that matters - I see that now. If you wanted to be with me, you knew that you had alot of trust to rebuild and that's only through consistent action and I'm through with pressuring you to be my wife, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me and that's pretty much what it looks like to me so let's stop playing games: you go and be with the OM, I'm ok with that, in fact I'm better than OK, I'm awesome because I'm finally being honest with myself about all of this and that includes being honest about who you are and where you are right now. I know what I'm worth and I've been settling for less for too long. I can't wait for you anymore, I've spent enough time waiting for you to do the right thing and I know that doesn't work because I would probably have to wait forever and still not get what I wanted. So you can do what you want, be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy and I'm going to start wanting something better for me."

3) "Maybe you should sit down, we need to talk about something. I have decided that this separation is no longer working for me. I know what I'm worth and I've been settling for less for too long. I can't wait for you anymore, I've spent enough time waiting for you to do the right thing and I know that doesn't work because I probably would have to wait forever and still not get what I wanted. People make their own choices, I do not own you, you are free to make your own choices and I respect your decision to not work on our marriage. I would have preferred to work things out, but I understand that is not what you want. So, I am letting you go and moving forward with my life. I will be putting my things in order to file for divorce. I think you should find another place for our horse as soon as possible. I want NO CONTACT with you except for emergency stuff about the kids to make it easier for me to move on."

4) "Maybe you should sit down, we need to talk about something. I have decided that this is no longer working for me. I have neglected my wants and needs and pushed my values and beliefs aside for far loo long hoping you would do the right thing. I realize that I could be waiting my entire life for that to happen and that's not fair to me or our family. I accept that you don't want to be with me and that's okay because I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me either. I respect myself too much to remain married to someone who doesn't want me. I have decided to move forward with my life. Please do not contact me unless it's an emergency related to the kids as I feel that's what I need to move on. I think you should find another place for our horse as soon as possible. Please prepare your requests for a settlement so we can get moving on the D."

I wanted to run these by the board for feedback as I'm thinking about delivering these messages soon. Thanks in advance.