So W texted me saying she wanted to discuss the 3rd mediator she called when I got home. So we started discussing the details again about Refi, her agenda to have me out by August. She cannot afford to pay the mortgage for August, has taken half of my tax monies from 2018 and has been living off of that for a bit. We had a discission back in March that She was explicitly going to bank the tax returns to pay mortgage for August. Now She doesn't remember ever saying such things, and thinks Im pulling it out of my a$$. We also originally agreed that since I had double insurance, my policy of my own through work, and I was also on her health insurance as well, that I was going to remain on it, and pay for my portions out of house sale divided monies when house sold. She doesn't remember that now either! I documented all these conversations months ago. The only reason why I even stayed on our insurance was for the health mental health benefits. My insurance had a $5,000 deductible on mental health when I was attended therapy. So I use her insurance for the $5 copay until the insurance companies find out that I had a primary and I was on her secondary and they didn't want to pay out for mental health coverwgebage. I have terminated my mental health counseling and my insurance with my W effective immediately. Without even telling me she's been using the tax money to pay other things and use my portions of it.
She was going to consult with a family attorney that we originally closed on our house, I advised her to do so. I explained my position of what I was advised by my attorney, not to leave the home until MOA is drawn up, all marital assets and liabilities are addressed and plugged in, CS is plugged in, etc. and goes to attorney review, etc. I am going to call one more mediator, that the attorney recommend. W heard of this mediator also from SIL. W was upset that I was consid ER ing hiring an attorney, not only because of cost puppy cuz she thinks that an attorney is going to fight tooth and nail for every asset and drag this out which circumvents the point of even using a mediator. I explained to her that I need to consult with one to protect my legal rights as far as my vested interests as well as custodial with S1. That I'm not trying to drag my heels intentionally or being facetious and vindictive in anyway I just need legal advice how to proceed forward to protect my interests. That she can expect a refinance a mortgage without me on it since I won't commit to it and only give me a small portion as incentive to move out, and the other portions goes towards a joint consolidated debt.
I attempted to explain to her that she may have her own agenda and timeline, and I understand that she needs to protect herself but I also need to protect myself as well. She became even more upset and she indicated that she was tired of being held back and held captive all throughout the last 12 years, that everything was always on my timeline. She felt that I held her back in life. So I validate the best I could and said to her I'm sorry if you felt that way that I was holding you back, but we are on two different timelines with two different agendas right now. It's not fair to me that you are choosing to leave the marriage and you are on your own timeline in the agenda and you are trying to push me out within a month. She then got upset and said that she managed to pack up all her stuff in the last 3 months, why couldn't I? Because I wasn't prepared to leave I stated. That this is your choice not mine. and that you have changed their mind three times about the house depending on the circumstances. Originally she wanted me to live in the basement and stay here for the next year back in January. then she start looking at apartments and wanted to get out of here and she wanted me to buy her house and I definitely wasn't comfortable with that and taking on the home mortgage note by myself on my income. She decided consult with a realtor and attempted but failed to put the house in the market 2 months ago, was going to sell it and miss the market window. now she has to wait until next year to put it on market. now she wants to refinance and keep it for the next year and she just buying time with it before she puts on the market next year and she wants me out as soon as possible. I asked her what is the primary concern and the hurry for the Refi? Is it mainly because you just need money to pay the mortgage for August or do you really want me out of the house that bad and need your space? Again she started getting upset and then she went to a room and close the door. she went on Facebook Messenger for about 10 to 15 minutes I've been developing a pattern with that with her at certain times of the night . So I left her alone. She then came out and made a cappuccino. I decided to take S1 to the park to give her space and leave her alone and get the hell out of the drama. I said we will see you later in a very pleasant voice and left.
So I sent her a quick text while I was at the park. I probably shouldn't have and should have just left it alone.
H: I know you are a ball of stress at the moment. But in case you just want to put these things down for a little while and have some fun with S1 We will be here. He is having a great time climbing the jungle gym.
W:I just need some quiet at the moment, but I'd love pictures/videos.
H: I know. I know you need QT and space, which is why I took S1 out of the house and to park.(S1 was getting upset.). Im trying to be considerate of your feelings. Oooh I think we are about to make some new friends here.
I got home about an hour later and her car was gone the whole house smells like perfume. So I figured she must have messed with somebody on Facebook messenger and went out.
W found more short books on single parenting. Singleness. How to be single and satisfied. Successful parenting, Self-worth discover your God-given worth, codependency balancing unbalanced relationships, And verbal and emotional abuse. By June Hunt. Looks like something you pick up off a shelf at a consultation.
I am sick and tired of being vilified by her. I understand the pain she's going through trying to find herself, her worth, her happiness, etc. But how in the world am I responsible for holding her back She is her own person, that makes her own choices? She always thinks I'm standing in her way. She Journaled back in 2013 that she was willing to leave me because we had to house shop for for our home, we took a year and doing so but she wanted me to do it on her timeline and her expectations. Same thing with the baby and IVF because I was infertile. She blamed all that on me too. That everything always had to be on my timeline. She wanted the house she got it she wanted the baby she got it, she want to always go out and have fun with her friends and she got it. she want to explore new Endeavors with her life as far as health coaching and nutrition and all these other things that interest her and she always drop the commitments to them. When I tried to hold her to be accountable for responsibility in the home she just wanted to sit on the couch like a lump and be depressed most of the time. I didn't even ask for much. The only thing I ever expect from her was a clean sink that wasn't full of dishes all the rest I could let go. We always try to hammer it out with the division of labor but one of us would always fall by the wayside and honoring our agendas or she didn't feel like it. every time I tried to encourage her to go walking with me exercise with me or go out with me she would never feel like it's why I left her be throughout the marriage. And in doing so I pursued my own hobbies and interests and then she wondered why I was so removed from her. It's like she's blaming her whole misery on me why she can't lose weight while she can't have her space why she can't be comfortable around me, why she didn't get the travel as much as she wanted to. now she wants to go on all these Adventures but realizes they're not realistic with a one-year-old like single mom RV camping. she's absolutely crazy she's trying to find happiness outside of herself and she doesn't realize that it has to come from within the she has to choose it. I'm tired of being gas-lit for all of all of the problems in her life. When she lacked the discipline she lacked the commitments, these were all her choices and I'm to blame for them apparently. I'm so sick of being vilified that I'm emotionally and verbally abusive I know I'm a little rough around the edges, and I try to empathise and understand where people are coming from. But when people throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way and then try to blame you for it it's really revolting.
I just want to get through this process and get this done I am so over this $hit. I don't know who this person even is anymore i just want to get on with my life, get into my own place and get totally focused on myself ASAP. Without getting legally or financially railroaded. I have no desire to R, or ever consider her again. Im debating if I should what her posted divorce through after we get to mediation setup, or should I just push it through myself and be done with it. Too much trust has been broken this is irreparable, and granted I'm the one that may be contributed to some of the problems throughout the marriage she's the one that brought it to this. I saw her true colors long before I even married her and I should have known her level of commitment not only to herself but to me. she gave herself away to everyone's and it was nothing left of her and I understand that and she does honestly need to rebuild her life and find herself. but I can tell that this is a person that will always be searching for happiness outside themselves in external things and never try to fill it for themselves and in themselves. They can never be fully satisfied or conten or grateful at any one moment given in time. and if they are, their future expectations are never clearly worded or communicated, or I certainly addressed working to find a resolution rather than just complain about it, and why they're so unhappy because of other people.
I can't wait to just get this over and done with and get on with my life because this is absolute Insanity where I'm always being accused of not remembering things when I write them down when I least discuss significant things and yes I do forget things every now and again but she totally rewrites things in her head so many times which is why I just stopped communicating with her all together and told her send it through email and she even botches that up too. She conveniently acknowledges the things that benefit her but ignores the rest.
