Gekko - I have not read about PSO and NSO before, very interesting.
I bet NSO explains a lot of our situations on this forum. I feel like my W sees only negative things in me and our MR, and it's been that way for at least 8 months. When she started going to IC a few months back, she would periodically send me a bizarre text thanking me for going to work and making money for the family. Perhaps her counselor was encouraging her to try to see thing in a positive light to fight off the NSO. I don't know. It was weird. It definitely didn't work.
You are right about the harshness being a red flag. My W has turned very cold towards other people in her life, including her own family as well as mine. In many of these cases, I would say the relationships were not exactly healthy, but my W took things to extremes IMO. Very black and white. OTOH, she has had people in her life that give nothing, only take from her, yet she will keep them around.
Anyways, now I am that target you talk about. Throughout our 15 year history, targets have never turned things around with her. I'm giving her time and space and we'll see... really the NSO is what needs to change first. Which means I have absolutely zero control, and should just focus on me for now.
Idea for future relationships: Ask about their EX's. If somebody only has negative things to say about their EX, that is a red flag for me. I had issues with all my EX's, for various reasons, but they were all great women and I wish them the best. My W thinks all her EX's are crazy and/or abusive... hmmm...
Thanks for helping to clarify things for me -- I am positive about my own life, but hopeless about reconciliation, and I think this is a very strong reason why.
Hope the move goes well... I think you will enjoy the peace and space!
