Don't know about you, but I have this same thought and then take it further -- how did things start off so great with this person, and then turn into this sitch? Will I be able to trust or commit fully to another person in the future, knowing what can happen?
In the early part of relationships most people are in positive sentiment override, but later might find themselves in negative sentiment override. Anyone who doesn't know these conditions should google them because they explain so much.
In my sitch, I saw glimpses of my W's harshness - toward her dad, the clerk at the store, etc. Not often, but enough to get my attention. But I was in positive sentiment override, perhaps too positive. W was never going to hit me with that harshness, I would shut that down in a millisecond, so not a big deal. Enter marriage and kids, and all of a sudden the harshness ramps up and its not so easy to kick her to the curb. A lot invested in the R. And try as I might I could not get her to stop with the criticism and disrespect.
One of the morals of my story is that if you are in a R with someone and you see them treat someone else harshly or with disrespect, get ready because you are eventually going to be a target for that behavior. Maybe the biggest target of all, once you are M'd with kids and with that person every day. They will have lots of ammo to fire at you. Once of my biggest pieces of advice now is to jettison anyone like this as soon as you see this behavior toward others. There is no need to get entangled with someone who has a nasty harsh streak.
Personally I doubt I will have any issues with commitment and trust in the future. My W is who she is, and I have had long term relationships prior to her with great women who had zero nastiness in them, so I know they are out there, lots of them, fantastic women. My job is to be the best man I can be and learn from the things I did wrong in my M, and screen the women that come into my orbit to weed out the ones who may have the inner harshness that my W has. That's all I can do. It's going to be a fun journey.
