Divorce/WAW due to my infidelity Part 2

[crdcheck]

This is such a weird place. I’m detaching. I’m doing what I want for D3, myself. I’m being assertive. I’m looking forward to my single future. I’m acting “as if”. I’m owning my feelings, not worrying about W’s feelings (to clarify - I'm not changing my reasonable behavior simply to manage her feelings). With all that I’m now of the mindset that, "hey, I have done some terrible things, but I’m a good person at my core and, for W to leave, that says more about her than about me." So, logistically, I just want this to all be done. House sold, my own place, 50/50 custody in place, and not really have to talk to W except for D3 items. There are even some points where I’m just sort of done with her, don’t really want it to work out. Can’t tell if she’s pushing buttons or that’s just who she is. So all pretty straightforward.

That is, until I think that tonight may be the last night we have as a family of three (W taking D3 to inlaws solo, leaving her there for a week, then they come stay with us for a week, then D3 to my family for a week – this last week is when W plans to move out). W asked me to grab some of D3’s school papers from her desk and I noticed that she’d removed all of our wedding photos. And between those two I’m nearly in tears. I don’t really know why. I mean, I logically know that this is over and I have a future to look forward to (I have no shortage of people to hang out with, things to do), and there are parts of her that I honestly can’t stand. But I still feel like I’m losing a huge part of myself, that all I want is for us to have another chance.

The feeling will pass. I’m joining a couple of friends for a broader company happy hour tomorrow, my dad is in town Sat/Sun and we’ll get together, and I’m looking at houses with my brother on Sunday. I just… I don’t know… I feel like this is wrong and a loss and I want to scream, yell, beg, promise, etc. to make it stop.