Thanks for checking in HB. I hope things are well with you.
Things are ok. H is not good at taking space. He claims the reason he is checking in and contacting me is for me- that he thinks I need it, it's not for him. I don't buy it. I'm not trying to over analyze things, but he tries to play things cool, yet responds to my texts within seconds. I know he is trying to calm his anxiety. He left because he didn't want to deal with the conflict and hurt, it was causing anxiety that he doesn't want to deal with. Yet, not knowing what is going on with me makes him anxious.
After our talk he continued to text, the very next day- house stuff, car stuff. I tried to stay dim- friendly, but sticking to business. By day 3 he was calling to check in, and by the weekend he invited me to go kayaking. I accepted his invitation and we had a very nice time. We talked, laughed, told stories, and hung out for a few hours. As I was loading my kayak he told me to be careful if I ever kayaked by myself, "especially dressed like that!" (bathing suit and shorts). I know not to overthink things, but these are comments he has always made, yet I haven't heard them in months. It seems to silly, but it is something that used to drive me crazy and when it stopped, I noticed.
By the time I got home he had texted me to tell me how nice it was and thanked me for coming. Usually I would have been the one to message him, so this was nice and out of the ordinary. I responded with a quick thanks for inviting me and kept it simple. He's away on business this week. Mostly I have been letting him contact me first, but I occasionally will send a text. My lack of texting was a huge issue for my husband, so I am trying to find a balance right now. I respond to all of his texts, remain friendly, but keep it simple. We are in contact daily- some days it's very business like, some days it chit chat about our day, etc. It is all pretty light- no R talk at all.
Next week is my vacation with my children and their significant others. I am looking forward to it, but I am a little sad, and maybe a little angry at H. This is something we have done as a family for 28 years, and although my H will join us for a few days, it's not the same. We have many memories and lots of emotional ties to this place so I am sure it will stir things up for both of us.
As I reread my post I of course notice that I continue to state that I don't want to over analyze, or over think things, and I recognize that it is exactly what I am doing. I think I am considering the little things as just that, little, yet positive. I want to say baby steps, but I think they are even smaller than that. Kayaking - maybe a baby step. Liking my post on FB- not even close.
When I return I will start with a new therapist as my former C did not work out. It will be MC, but only I will attend at this time. It is grounded in EFT and Gottman, and I am hoping to learn some things to help me navigate through all of this.
