I agree with the others. I don't know that you have to go anywhere from here, however you can simply continue to live your life; take care of yourself, your kids, heal from this painful sitch, and continue your 180s and GAL. I don't view this as a tennis match where the ball is now in your court. So he is changing his tune, having some regrets and he wants to work on the M now? That is great for him that he thinks he knows what he wants now. That does not mean it is great for you. It also does not mean you have to jump at this opportunity.
You have done a great job of creating boundaries and no longer allowing his abuse of you. You essentially taught him how he cannot treat you. It worked and he also gained respect for you. In the mean time, you created some much needed space for yourself and started to detach a bit. With that comes sadness and what appears to be acceptance and grief. I think when we finally step out of the drama/chaos and start to go dark, we see our situation a bit more clearly and it is rather depressing. When you are caught up in a cycle of distance/pursuit, it is hard to see the forest through the trees. Your M as you knew it is dead, gone and over. Of course you feel sadness about that. That was your dream family and life you created, and you lost it. Now that everything has calmed down, you can see it more clearly for what it is.
I have no idea what will happen now and I would guess it will take a long time to unfold. When all of us get BDd we are in a panic, we are only focused on getting them back, we come here, and then everyone tell us this is a marathon and not a sprint. I didn't even know what that meant until years later. Even piecing over the last 4.5 years it has been 3 steps forward and then 2 steps back. So really, the only thing you can do now, is continue on your own journey of healing and recovery. He really hurt you a lot. He cannot be the one to mend or heal this. That comes from you. In a way, they give us a gift in this sh-thole mess they create because they teach us that the art of self love is the only healer. And we get pretty good at it.
In the mean time, he may continue to try harder, pursue you or even pressure you. And that is his choice. If you feel like listening to him or even spending time with him, that is your choice. You take all the time you need. If over time, he continues to show you that he has changed, is continuing to work on himself, and he is continuing to tell you he will do anything to be with you, well then you can decide if you want to give him a chance. And that is when the very hard work will begin. So take care of yourself now and don't think you have to do anything differently. Hugs.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
