Wolf...dude I'm sorry, up front I could have written what you wrote word for word back this time a year or so ago. One thing I did and might help you, try to abstract away the specifics of what you are dealing with here. By that I mean depersonalize the "I'm losing my wife, my family, etc" because underneath those specifics the simple fact is that you are dealing with a loss of control of what you want in your life and that is paralyzing you from doing what you need to do. I started to thing about...if a family member were to pass I would be crushed and wouldn't have wanted it to happen, but logically I know I have no control over that so after a period I would have to go on with my life. Then think about all of the other areas of your life that you enjoy which you would hope to never end, but they do. Could be an awesome vacation, the holidays, heck even a great football game, book, movie. Whatever it is, things in life have an end and whether we like it or not that is our reality. We can't control that beyond ourselves...and God is that something you learn about here and it takes us all as long as it takes to come to terms with it.
Like DV6 said "I needed to find a way to accept what was happening and find happiness again." And also "I know this is not what you planned or what you wanted but that no longer matters...it is what you have." Simple statements of truth and distilled down so much of what we are all confronting is that one word, the reality of it's meaning and our desire to fight against it. It is what it is. Nobody said this process that we all walk is would be easy, and the other truth is that even though we all fight it, we have really no choice but to go through it. Also as DV6 says "you will get through this". I say it all the time it amazes me how unbelievably difficult it can be for all of us to do the simplest of things. Get up on and go on with your life. Trust me I know how hard that single stupidly easy statement can be. You will find a way buddy! Hang in there!
