So if I understand correctly, you both want them on the first day of school? Here is what I would suggest, tell her that you want them on the first day of school as well, so since both of you want them then you'll have to fall back on the schedule to resolve this which means you will have them. Then tell her if next year the first day of school falls on your week again that you will let her have them to be fair.
It's important to be flexible when you can be, because in the coming years there will be many times when you both need to alter the schedule because you're on a work trip, or sick, or planning a vacation, etc. XW and I have worked with each other a lot on schedule modifications and never had a conflict we couldn't negotiate. The decree called for one of us to have the kids over Thanksgiving and the other over Christmas, and it would flip back and forth each year. But in actuality we've always worked it out to where we both get to see them on every holiday.
harvey, I would highly suggest folliowing AS' sound advice. Also, this will be a clear message to her that D has consequences.....and those consequences is that you have to share your kids in this manner. Most WASs don't think about these things because they are uber selfish......and then when these consequences arise, like in this case, they want their cake and eat it too.
Be flexible. But also be firm and resolute so that you don't miss out on things you find important with your kids.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
AS, I decided to let her have the night before school. She's always gotten the girls ready for the first day of school (hair, dress, etc.). We agreed that I would come over in the morning to see them off. I don't regret that decision at all.
Life is good. It's been almost a year since BD. I've handled it like a champ. I had no chance of preventing my divorce (3 months from BD to divorce), but my life is good. I"m closing on a house on Monday, and I'm excited for the next phase of my life. It will be good to get settled. The girls and I have a blast together. Friends/family have let me know that I'm a great Dad and that I'm much more relaxed without XW around.
I still love my XW and probably always will, but I do see sides of her that make me realize this is for the best. I no longer blame myself entirely for the divorce. I know that we are equally to blame. She chose to give up, and that is out of my control.
I naturally gravitated to DB principles, but the newbies need to know that is it imperative to 180 on the things you need to improve on, GAL, and detach. I know that my XW has regrets. I can see it in her eyes. That is because I've become a man only a fool would leave. I've improved immensely in the last year. I've gotten back to the alpha male that I was before I lost myself. If [censored] needs to get done, I take care of it. I'm not afraid to rock the boat. I dress nicely. I always look good. I have my swagger back. What do women want? They want a strong man that makes them feel secure. They want a man with self-confidence. They want a man that makes them laugh. They want a man who listens to and validates them. Become that man.
I've had several dates in the last few weeks, and I'm talking to several others. I realize that I'm desirable. There are a lot of women interested in me. On the other hand I'm not exactly ready for it. I was with my XW for 17 years. I'm not in a rush to get in to a serious relationship, and that's okay.
Life doesn't always come up roses, but our character is built on how we handle the adversity thrown our way.
AS, you've stated that your wife has never looked back after the divorce. Even though I know that my XW has regrets, I think she's on the same path. Maybe she's too proud to express any regrets. When I have down moments, it's because I wonder how it can be so easy for her. Is there anything you did that made it easier to accept?
I’m sure your w has some regrets but what she’s going through she isn’t going to come out of in a year. It’s likely to be 2-5 years before that happens.
good to hear from you. I like your update. Keep enjoying the dating scene but go at your own pace like you said. I am loving the part where you found yourself - that's awesome man!
Hope all is well!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Interesting turn of events for me. I found out my XW is likely dating somebody. This person is the older brother of one of her best friends. He got divorced a year or two ago. Early in our relationship, she told me that she had sex with the older brother of one of her friends. (I'm not the jealous type and didn't care). It may or may not have been this guy. I don't remember which friend it was.
I would have never guessed my XW would have an affair, but the red flags were there. She was noticeably on her phone a lot more pre-BD and hid her phone around BD. We had a quick divorce (a monkey never jumps from a branch unless it has another branch to jump to), and it's obviously somebody she knows from before BD. Also, she went to the hometown of her friend and her friend's brother last fall after BD and before the divorce was final. Around the time of our divorce her friend got in a bad snowmobile accident, and she started going there a lot. It's possible that that is the time they reacquainted, but my gut says it was happening sooner. I guess she goes to this town every weekend she doesn't have the girls, but I learned from my younger daughter that they hang out with this guy and his daughters in the new town we are living in, and they stayed with him at his cabin on the lake one weekend--him and his daughters, my XW and our girls. It seems pretty obvious, but I didn't want to believe it before.
What's funny is the guy is not very handsome, and he isn't her type. It's going to be interesting to see how it plays out for her.
It doesn't really matter. It doesn't change my situation, but it did send my spinning--just a little. It would definitely make me respect my XW a lot less--especially after she told me there wasn't anybody else. I briefly thought about confronting her about this, but I know at this point it would make me look weak and it wouldn't matter.
On the plus side, dating is going pretty well. I'm not in a serious relationship, but I have a few women that I'm casually dating. Even got "physical" this weekend for the first time since BD last year at this time.
Again, I never had a chance, but what I did once BD hit allowed me to handle things better. I really had no control over any of this--except how I handled myself.
Kind of a unique situation. Has anybody got confirmation of an affair long after the divorce was final? I suppose it's easier to handle now than if I knew before I was able to GAL and detach, but it still stings a bit. I guess I'm not completely detached. I used to tell myself that "I don't want to be with somebody that doesn't want to be with me." Now, I've thrown in a "and probably cheated on me" at the end
I've recovered nicely in the last two weeks. I still don't have proof of an affair, but I don't need it. What happened just doesn't matter.
I now have four women that I'm dating (i.e. gone on multiple dates with). One wants a casual relationship and that got physical. Two others I like but don't see as LTR material. OTOH, I've really clicked with the fourth woman. I didn't meet her on an OLD site. She's a friend of a friend. I met her once when I was married, and we had chemistry then. I think she has potential. I'm going to take it slow. Fortunately, my schedule is going to force that to happen. Since I have such strong feelings for her, I should probably stop dating the other women.
