I just don't see why you would pay someone to coach a separation. Seems easy enough to handle. The fact that you are going makes it seem like you're desperate. If you decided you have a handle on this and don't need a separation coach, it makes you look like you are not desperate at a minimum.
When/if your W wants to work on the marriage, you'll know it!
Originally Posted by Maika
1. How many sessions do we need to improve our communication issues around the kids?
None! I think U can work on this by himself and have better results. And truly, if communication was the biggest issues, he would be better off not worrying about this divorce/separation b/c I can guarantee all this stress has not helped.
ovrrnbw - One would think this stuff would be easy, I agree. I should give an example of what's happened so you can understand why I say MC has benefited us.
For instance, it took a couple MC sessions for my W to fully get that yes, we need a calendar with dates and times for drop-off and pick-up to avoid confusion and unnecessary conflict. She literally did not get that. When I asked for it, she was getting irritated and withholding stuff. This is where the counselor has helped. My W also didn't want to tell me the kids extracurricular schedules, or doctor visits, because she's used to handling that stuff. Well... things changed, I need to know what our kids are doing. I won't be seeing them every day to hear about swimming lessons. I want to know, I deserve to know, I'm their father. Why is it like pulling teeth? In that sense, MC has defused the drama and the counselor has given my W some clarity that she can't just run things the way she wants. Yes, internally I am eye-rolling quite a bit that we have to pay money and waste time on this, but I think a few sessions have been necessary to bring things together. It is absolutely annoying to waste time and money on information you can find in any internet article about separation or divorce. Or just by using common sense.
Phew... okay... got some frustration out.
Back to "working on the marriage" -- many people say going to IC and MC are steps to working on the marriage. Technically we are kinda doing that (MC goal is debatable).
I think your point is that in whatever form, if my W chooses to invest time and energy into actually trying to work on the marriage, it will be clear. And my current doubts are indicators that she is not invested. I can go to MC and take advantage of the forum to air out my grievances or the things I would like to see change if we are to work on things, but that's different from actually working on things. "But we ARE working on things, we are working on communication!" is not really meeting my needs. When she says things like "I know you feel like you need to be heard" - that also tells me she is not interested. Everybody in a relationship wants to feel heard!
