oz - I haven't kept up with your whole sitch but did read the long post.
You are laser-focused on the minutiae of her reactions.
Another reason to stop (in addition to what Steve85 wrote): Minds love to create stories. When there is no story, minds will create one. Minds will create stories that match what we want to hear. Not reality.
One thing I learned from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Analyze the thought, and think of alternatives. For instance, your W asked you about her boots. You took that as a positive. That could be true. It could also be true she just felt insecure about her boots and you were the person there who could give feedback. Maybe she just wanted some positive validation and knew you would give it for her. Maybe she sensed you were seeking some positive interaction and wanted you feel a little better because she feels so awful about breaking your heart. Maybe she forgot for a second and slipped into old MR patterns. Maybe she's trying to confuse you deliberately. Maybe she wants to make sure the boots look great when she goes out without you. Maybe it meant nothing at all.
I hope you get my point... anytime you post a "what does that reaction mean?" I could give you about 10 different answers. Try this a few times. Take whatever your initial reaction is, and start thinking about all the other possible explanations. It will help you stop worrying so much about her reactions. And it will free up mental space for you to focus on yourself.
